Greetings. Thank you for reading.

I am afraid that this post might differ from others in this group, as I am hardly looking for anything that is as “explicit” as what is typically advertised on here.

In fact, submission is merely my language of affection. I don’t necessarily “get off to it”, nor does it arouse me to be hurt.

I’m asexual and draw little to no satisfaction from traditional displays of intimacy - most scare me, actually. However, it is through submission - through raw, unfiltered dedication, that I achieve this closeness. I go into more detail in my journal and humbly invite you all to read it (as I am really proud of my silly little ramblings).

What I am looking for on here - if anything - is a close friend, who allows me to be affectionate towards them in the way that feels right. Mainly - that is through a fuckton of cuddles - but also through submission. As my affection grows, so does my craving to show it - on my knees, through servitude or through submissive-coded accessories. Please keep in mind that I will not have sex with you or entertain overtly sexual discussions. I am suffering from enough sexual trauma as is and I am not very interested in collecting more.

What should also go without saying is that - just because we’re kink-compatible won’t mean that we’ll be friends. For me to even start to feel submissive toward you, I need to admire you, cherish and appreciate you. I know that this is a bit of a roundabout way to achieve this, but I am sure it hurts way less than the other way around - growing affectionate to someone - without the certainty of being allowed to express this affection in my terms. Terms of submission. For the precise nature of these terms, I again refer you to my journal. To summarise - there is no specific set of actions and ideas that I need, much rather is it depending on your preferences and wants. So, if you are unsure if we are compatible on an atomic level of kink-distinction, you’re probably worrying for no good reason.

I understand that not everyone is an asexual kinkster. I don’t mind if my submission illicits these feelings in you or pleases you in this way. I will not be used for your sexual gratification in a physical sense, but if that is a layer of your enjoyment of your dominance, I welcome it. I give that what feels right to give. My submission. You are free to enjoy it through whatever channel you like.

Finally, I would like to stress yet again that I am looking for friendship and understanding first. Talk to me about games, music, science or whatever your hobbies are. Don’t be weird.

Reach out! :)

Addendum: Looking for “a dynamic”. What is that?? What I am looking for is something that appeals to my emotional oddities in a specific way. This is very abstract however. My “ideal” dynamic is hard to describe and probably does not exist. It arises from closeness and that’s different from person to person. There is no one specific dream that I chase. No fantasy in particular. Most of the concepts that appeal to me are abstract and pervasive - they can take many shapes in implementation. I shall come up with one rather exhaustive example, aiming to showcase these different facets of my innerworkings.

In this ideal dynamic, I share a close relationship with a person I look up to. Someone, whose words elude prediction or repetition - someone who exudes confidence in their superiority over me. Not through action or words, but rather through a certain je-ne-sais-quois. This sounds like a stupid little cop-out but it’s not: As I see it - language is actually rather simple in comparison to the complex inner-workings that it reflects. We are incredibly intricate beings with extreme numbers of concurrent thought processes, patterns and values. Language is just the lid that we put on top. Imho this is also why people overestimate the intelligence of chatGPT etc. - we just see the lid and interpret that there must be the same complex inner-workings that make us human present there as well, when in reality it is just language in its purest form.

This dominant, this superior is proven to be such, through this undefinable yet certain feeling. This “Bauchgefühl” that dictates that they’re smarter than me. It’s the best proof, really. waving a degree in front of my face or recounting other achievements, does little to validate the claim of their superiority if the interaction isn’t heavily carrying an air of - literal - domination within it.

Yet, there is more to my admiration of this person than just their superiority. It would be valid and superficial to just be drawn to imbalance, wouldn’t it? I am close to them through emotional bonding. We share and connect - an arduous process of listening and trying to understand one another that is worth the effort but in tenfold as these gathered revelations not only made use understand each other better but also got us well emotionally close. This bond, this affection pervades our interactions and makes me care for them. I feel much of this is just obvious human connection stuff. I kept it brief.

So - I am affectionate to them - and I show it in the only way that feels natural to me. Through my submission. Through submitting. I like to keep those aspects separate. They mean the same (for normal people) but my wacky personal definitions differ. Submission is the pervasive, all-encompassing and intrusive power difference between me and my dominant. I am below them. And I cherish that fact. Every single moment I spend with them, I get to be grateful that I’m not being hurt, that I’m not being upset, that I’m not being pushed. I do so because it is fully in their rights to do so - or rather because I have signed the rights to stay unharmed away. As a gesture of love. Like I said - sacrifice imbues meaning into things. Just like in heterosexual monogamy - where all those rejected alternative partnerships - all those memories that could’ve been are the fire that light the flame of their love, so is the loss of my bodily autonomy and integrity part of the relationship. This dominant loves this feeling just as much as I do. They enjoy the rush of power, the pride of ownership. Every time I immediately fall to my knees as they return home, every time they lock the large, heavy metal collar around my neck - another powerful token of my dedication. It is normal to them, that I act this way. It is expected. Just as others expect a kiss. Or sex. They expect me to be below them. So do their friends. They abuse me in front of them because they can. And because they can, I gladly let it happen. Maybe they felt insecure about some achievement one friend bragged about, so they had to drag me through the mud in front of them. I’ll gladly cry to make them feel better about themselves. I’ll gladly have them drag me through the mud, as others watch on. I gain nothing from the degradation, I gain nothing from the abuse. I don’t get off to it. I don’t get aroused - at all. It feels painful, disgusting and horrifying to be treated this way - especially in front of others. But it also feels real. It shows me that this isn’t a game or LARP or pretend. It’s real. And that’s the most beautiful thing I can imagine.

Submitting itself is just the acts that I do. My kneeling, my journaling, my complacency and complicity in my suffering.

I mentioned it before but I would like to stress it again. To this ideal dominant I am not a sexual being. They don’t view me in that way at all. They made strip me naked because they know how vulnerable and exposed I will feel - but they will not do so to gain some sort of pleasure. They just appreciate the hurt. Why? Because it’s real. Because it means that they will not have to worry about me leaving, they will not have to worry about rejection, they will not have to worry about manipulation or boundaries. They get to enjoy me selfishly. They get to reap the rewards of a personal relationship without the anxieties that are typically attached. They also get to revel in the pleasure of using me to feel better. Just how we always do in relationships, just without a pretend play. A bad day at work is rectified through verbal to physical abuse or a combination of the two. A good day is improved even further through me surely enjoying it with them, gladly listening along cheerfully, as I know I must. Besides getting to enjoy affection and closeness in the one way that feels real, I also get safety and security. If I know I can be silenced for no reason at any time I don’t have to be worried about talking someone’s ear off or annoying them about my interests. If I know I can be beaten or restrained at the drop of a hat I need not worry about doing something wrong. I know that I will be told explicitly. That the wanted behavior will be brutally reinforced until I am remade in their image. And why wouldn’t I want that? They’re my superior after all.

If you’re thinking about contacting me, please make sure to understand this: If you are thinking of pursuing closeness with me for the sake of sexual intimacy - we are not a good fit. If you expect me to trust you instantly and show my face etc. on the first day of texting - we are not a good fit.

Thank you for reading this far. It means the world to me, that you’re taking the time to comprehend my feeling and my story. Looking forward to chatting with you.