Greetings! As the title of this post so rudely gave away already, I'm looking for a woman of the more dominant variety, at least on the sexual side of things. I'm primarily looking for something online. While I don't categorically reject the idea of something in real life, it's tricky for a lot of reasons, so go into this post assuming I'm only looking for online. I shall endeavor to keep this reasonably short, but I happen to be of the opinion that the average post length around here is hilariously insufficient, so buckle up, it’s going to be a while! Note from future me: It's quite a while. In order to cut down on the chatter a little and keep things organized, I’m going to split this up into several categories and turn it into nice little lists. Everyone likes lists, right? So, with that out of the way, let’s start by me trying to entice you, before I inevitably shatter your illusions. Fun!

So, first up, some good things about my character! Let's get fancy and call this list:

The Good:

• I consider myself a good communicator and value honesty, both of which this ad will hopefully demonstrate. It will also demonstrate some severe rambling problems, but feel free to just ignore that fact :)

• I’m looking for a serious, long term setup. I have no interest in the GetOffAndGhost™ style of things which, once again, is hopefully evident by this very ad. I have never purposely ghosted anyone and I aim to keep it that way. Although I make no promises on this front in regards to the type of person you will hear a lot about at the end of this absurdity of a text wall :)

• I have a fairly high availability, typically respond very quickly and am capable of keeping a conversation going, provided I'm actually given something to work with.

• I’m not writing this ad with the ultimate goal of getting pictures out of you. Which, apparently, is a thing one can state and claim it’s a good thing, rather than just a “well, duh”. But hey, point in my favor, I’ll take it!

• I value personality traits and character vastly above looks, age, experience or similar irrelevant factors. Obviously physical attraction is nice, but with a shit person, it’s worth nothing. The other way around, however, can still work. More on that below.

• Even though the style of this ad may indicate otherwise, I’m usually a pretty chill guy with good humor, great banter and little judgment. This is not how I would typically sound in an ad, let alone in one-on-one conversation, I’m just trying a more straight forward style this time, because I still get entirely too many replies from people who just don’t listen if you ask nicely. So now I just don’t ask, I’m telling you. If you treat me with the bare minimum of respect I’m asking for in this ad, I’ll be a lot more tolerable :) But if you don’t, I’ll just flat out cut you off. But more on that pain point later…

• I consider submission something to be given, not taken. When I submit to you, then I’m doing that because I chose to do that, it’s not something that you just get for free. It would appear that a lot of guys don’t put any value on this and mindlessly thirst after every domme, but that’s not me. I’m offering something here, something that can be very difficult to give, something that has great value to me. If you don’t or can’t appreciate that, value that and reciprocate with decent behavior and empathy, I have no interest in you. Simple as that. If you are having trouble understanding why these sentences are under the heading of “The Good”, then I’m probably not interested. If you do, however, then I probably am.

• Having said that, don’t read that as a lack of obedience, because that’s not it. I’ve never gotten complaints about my obedience. If I choose to submit to you, I’ll do my very best to obey any orders or demands you have for me, so long as you understand that there is value there and treat it as such. There is little in this universe that attracts me less than the stereotypical domme whose sentences contain more instances of the word “worthless” than they do the letter ‘a’. If that’s how you see submission, then, in my mind, I have no value to you to begin with, so I have to wonder why you are still here to begin with. Just move on.

• I’m pretty patient with these things, especially when compared to my “competition”. Additionally, I’d like to believe that this factor, among others, makes me a good choice for inexperienced women as well. Once again, it may not seem like it from the writing style of this post so far, but I fancy myself a fairly decent guy with a lot of patience and openness. If you’re inexperienced or just straight up completely new, I’d be happy to be your Guinea pig to test the waters with, provided you can offer a genuine interest and willingness to grow.

• However, I’m also willing to speed things up some more if that’s your jam or experience level, if you pass some sniff tests. Randomly asking for obedience out of nowhere is approximately as sexy in women as it is in men. Ask my submissive (metaphorical) sisters how they like that and you’ll get an idea how much I’d like that :) If you’re lazy, here’s a hint: We don’t.

Alright, close enough. Lost the plot there a little, but these things had to be said :P

Let’s move on to list #2. Creative as I am, I’m calling this one “The Offer”! Look, it’s a list of perks you get with me, alright, the name is a work in progress. Don’t judge me D:

The Offer:

• I am, in principle, open to sharing any type of media you can think of, including pictures, videos, audio recordings as well as their live equivalents, potentially even one-sided ones (for instance, you’re just talking, but I’m on video. Or you’re just texting but I’m talking and whatever other combinations there are). Hell, I’ll even make you slow motion videos or time lapses if you’re funky like that! Inclusion of face is also a possibility. Now, having said all that, obviously none of these things are automatic, there are certain anxiety and risk factors involved there, as I’m sure you can imagine, but that’s, in principle, something on offer.

• I own several toys, among which are 2 that feature a remote control function. For clarification, that means that you could control them, if that’s your thing. It should be noted, however, that this requires an app, including an account. So, if you are really squeamish about such things, be aware of that.

• As of right now, I’m highly available, can respond quickly and frequently and, unless I’m sleeping, there’s a good chance I’m around.

• If you order one BoyToy™ now, you get one conversation partner for free! Or in normal English, I can, in fact, also just randomly chat without the kink. I know, I’m amazing like that!

• If you’re inexperienced or a complete beginner, I’ve spent some time thinking about the difficulties that entails over the years. As such, I believe I have some methods to help you out! I’m very happy to take on a newly minted domme, however, you must have a genuine interest that surpasses a casual spark of fancy. I’m more than happy to offer advice and methods to help you figure out how it all works and how to get comfortable with the role, but I’m not here to entertain random women who want to poke around for a week and then turn into ghostly vapors. In short, beginners yay, flakes nay.

• And, lastly, the obvious perk: You shall receive obedience. Or, at the very least, my best attempt at it. What exact form that takes will have to be worked out, of course, and will depend on what you’re looking for.

Now. It’s time to turn the tables a bit and talk about what you bring to, well, the table, as it were. As you may already have read between some lines, I'm somewhat picky in certain areas. So, let’s start with a list of things you have to have in order for me to be interested, provocatively named:

The Demands

Fanfare

• You must have the capability and willingness to communicate. This encapsulates both quality as well as quantity. D/s relationships simply do not work without extensive, precise and, importantly, honest conversation. Of course, I say this every time I write an ad and it’s ignored every single time. In the past, I’ve given people a lot of chances after their first message (and their second and third…) was maybe a sentence or two, naively hoping that it might improve. It never does. This, I have learned now. Such lack of useful communication, therefor, immediately demonstrates a lack of interest and understanding of the gravity of relationships like this and, to put it bluntly, I will no longer tolerate it. Not only am I now completely convinced that it can not work like that, it’s also just flat out annoying to put in 500 words and get one back. Once again, you don’t have to be a master communicator and if you’re new and it’s all a bit awkward, fine. But you have to at least try.

• Have an actual, genuine interest in me, this dynamic or, really, both. It absolutely puzzles me that I need to point this out, but the number of people who message me with flimsy intentions is entirely too high. If you don’t care to actually get to know me and/or build something here, don’t write to me pretending that you do. It’s not my purpose in life to entertain you on a boring evening. Now, if you’re just looking for a thing that lasts a week, fine, fair enough, maybe we can make that happen. But say so. Communicate.

• Have some actual time and availability. Everyone’s busy, I understand, but if your timetable for a thing like this is one hour every other weekend, that’s just not it. We’re an order of magnitude (or two…) off with that one.

• Speaking of interest and availability: Exclusivity. Since this is likely exclusively online, I don’t expect you to shoot every male you see on the street on sight, but … well, I don’t actually expect that either way… Uhh… Let’s start over on that one. Point is, if you’re simultaneously looking for something serious in your actual real life, fair. But if that goes anywhere, I ask that our deal ends. Additionally, I have absolutely no interest in the herding women who feel the need to pay trickles of attention to a whole hoard of subs. Not my thing.

Now, the above are basically complete deal breakers, but there are some things that aren’t, but are nice to have. Sounds like another list, doesn’t it? Glad you agree! Let’s call it something exciting, something fancy… let’s call it:

The Bonus Points

• Be in a timezone that is at least manageable. Australia probably isn’t it, unless your schedule is as upside down as you are. American west coast? Tricky stuff. East coast? Maybe. India? Perhaps. I’ll leave that up to you, if your timezone is a bit crazy compared to mine but you think it could work anyway, feel free to message me. But if you’re 8 hours ahead or behind while having a normal schedule, that might be a bit optimistic.

• Something I have historically enjoyed, and will confer massive bonus points, is kinky creativity. Now, rather than trying to define that in any sort of understandable way, let me give you an example from my past. This may be a bit of a “too much information” situation, but I think an example is much more understandable than a poor attempt at an abstract explanation on my part. Once, a domme asked me to film myself with an erection, because she wanted to know whether clenching one’s thighs would get rid of it. Unfortunately, she didn’t go full scientist mode and explored that further, because it turns out that that kind of silly, kinky creativity checks all sorts of boxes for me. If that’s the kind of out there thing you could find yourself asking for, there’s a good chance you’d get massive bonus points from me :) Provided, of course, that it’s a genuine interest, rather than an attempt to earn cookies. I could give more examples, but I think we’re good on the too much information front with that one for now.

• Another way to earn some serious bonus points is with a detail oriented approach to things. Little is more frustrating than being given some vague command that just screams “I don’t actually care about the outcome”. My enjoyment of being obedient is very directly proportional to the amount of thought, desire or enthusiasm you’ve put in. And “jerk off or whatever”, to paraphrase a bit aggressively, just doesn’t scream enthusiasm, desire or thought :|

• Willingness to verify. We can come up with methods that don’t identify you if you’re a bit spooked, but it would be a bonus if you were willing to provide some life signs, preferably identifiably female life signs, while we’re at it. While my absurd ads are pretty damn bot and scammer resistant, some extra assurance is always nice.

• More bonus points for elevated levels of the Horny™. After all, this entire thing is a kink thing, so, you know, if you’re only in the mood once in a blue moon, that’s not really meshing so well with me.

Alright, I think it’s time for yet another list! Man, I love lists! This time, let’s look at some things that are commonly regarded as important but aren’t very important to me. Do with that information what you will. Let’s call this one...

The Unimportant

• Age. While there’s obviously a strong correlation between age and a whole army of other traits, it doesn’t preclude anything in my experience. As such, I’m hesitant to put up any hard limits other than the nonnegotiable one of 18. Having said that, if you’re in the, let’s say, 18-22 range, you better be damn sure you know what you’re doing. Not only will you need to bring an astonishing level of maturity, you’ll also have to demonstrate a very high level of character strength, because I have no desire to deal with the constant fear of subconsciously steering you places through sheer force of age. Because of that, I’d put a soft limit on ~22, though even that’s pushing it. Again, no hard limits here, if you’re confident you can pull it off, be my guest, shoot your shot. But be aware that you have a very, very steep hill to climb there, because the only reason why I’m even entertaining this is that you’ll be put in the dominant shoes, so I can feel significantly more comfortable with the age difference. But, even then, there’s still a certain power imbalance there that worries me, for your sake, hence the strong need to demonstrate you can deal with it. Now, with that sticky topic out of the way, let’s take a look at the other, less creepy, end of the spectrum. Here, too, I hesitate to put up any hard limits, but if you’re pushing twice my age, we might be getting a tad too optimistic. Long story short, I’m not particularly bothered by age in either direction, as I consider it fairly meaningless on its own. Yes, it correlates with certain things, but, if you can beat the odds, I’m good.

• Speaking of ups and downs of age: Looks. While it’s, of course, always nice to be dealing with the hottest person ever, it really has very little influence on how well things work. As such, it’s borderline meaningless to me. It’s a nice bonus on top of an already working thing, but it can’t turn non-functional into functional. Additionally, I find that a 3 can turn into an 8 awfully quickly when you poke the right neurons. Therefor, that’s what I’m primarily seeking: A poketress of neurons! Ahem. Anyway, point is, I don’t really care what you look like. Well, that’s a lie, I do care, but it’s only going to make a difference if you have competition that equals you in virtually all other areas. However, note that this doesn’t mean that I have no interest in seeing you, I do. I’m never pushy about it, but I do. But that desire isn’t driven by you being the most beautiful thing ever, but rather by putting a proverbial (or literal) face to the poketress of neurons :)

• Next up, the final entry in the things mentioned at the top of this post: Experience. There are certain factors here that make certain experience levels more or less desirable, but, in general, it doesn’t matter to me all that much. For all I care, you can be the least experienced woman in existence, doesn’t bother me. However, you will then have to make up for that with a stronger performance in other ways, for example, enthusiasm, willingness to learn, great communication, stuff like that. Anything that can compensate for it, because, truth be told, no experience paired with no enthusiasm is about the most boring thing I can think of. And it turns into outright dreadful if you also lack communication skills. But if you have those things, we can make it work. In fact, I’d even dare claim I’m a pretty good catch for that one! On the flip side, you can also be the most experienced woman in existence, doesn’t bother me, either. In that case, however, you will still have to compensate for some downsides that come with that. For instance, a certain rigidity. In my experience, with experience comes some rigidity in how one does things and it often clashes with new people. So if you unlearned how to adapt, that’s not good. But those are all details, the important thing is that I’m not awfully bothered about experience.

Alright, you’ve almost made it, only 3 short lists remaining! You can do it!

Let’s take a quick look at kinks, before we move on to me shattering your delusions, as promised, in the list after this one. Now, the following list is very much not exhaustive, in not particular order and fairly fluid depending on what YOU are into. I’m not going to mention my dislikes, because they are effectively infinite by their nature. However, just because something isn’t included doesn’t mean I don’t like it! Additionally, I will only mention things that make some actual sense online. Now, let’s do:

The Kinks:

• Above all other kinks, there is the obvious one: Obeying. I think it’s worth making it an entry, however, because it’s really quite profound. After all, it’s the one kink that brought me here. It’s the kink that makes all the other ones work and it’s also the most fragile. As I’ve mentioned before, it strongly and directly scales with a domme’s enthusiasm, in both directions. It’s all built on a foundation of desire. Without it, none of the kinks below have much appeal on their own. In other words, I’d rather be passionately asked to engage in some kink I feel “meh” about than being lifelessly asked to engage in my favorites. Obeying you is about arousing you, about making you happy, about providing you fun and excitement, not about engaging in some specific kink. However, the price you have to pay is in demonstrating those feelings, with enthusiasm, desire, drive and attitude. All this might sound incredibly obvious, but far too many people don’t seem to really understand this, nor the fact that this is not a one-way street. Now, with that spelled out, let’s move on to some random kinks.

• As already mentioned in the bonus points section, I enjoy things that are creative, interactive and generally just fun for both parties. I like creative tasks, because they show a genuine interest, show that you’ve put thought into things and that you’re letting loose your desires, however silly. I like interactivity because I’m here for you, not for a series of soulless instructions. If I wanted that, I’d find some bot on the internet. And I like fun because, hope you are ready for this, it’s fun! I know, shocking revelations!

• Basically every form of orgasm control, including forced, denied, ruined, delayed or otherwise creative modifications.

• Non-zero chance that I have a bit of an exhibitionism streak, or perhaps I just feel more dominated when you can see me. Either way, experimenting with this has run into an anxiety ceiling in the past, so I’m not entirely sure. However, I’m more confident these days, so I’m more willing to experiment. Especially when it involves creative setups, ideally something that provides you with fun, entertainment and, hopefully, generous amounts of arousal! Be that JOI, posing, challenges, tasks or full on puppeteering, I’d probably be a fan, once some anxiety demons have been conquered, of course.

Well, a lot less of an extensive list as I hoped for, but I don’t want to get too specific, a general overview and exploration behind my motives struck me as more useful.

Alright. Two more lists, you’re almost there, final sprint! Unfortunately, this is the point I’ve been preparing you for: The shattering of your hopes and dreams lol. But fear not, I shall try to lighten the mood with some silly phrasing (which does, in no way, portrait any kind of defense mechanism no it doesn’t shut up it’s fine). So, let’s get to it, prepare for:

The Bad:

• I’ve been struggling with an army’s worth of mental health issues all my life. I’ve already hinted at some anxiety issues, but they’ve been far more extensive than I’ve led on. I’m finally making some progress on climbing out of it, but it remains a thing. Additionally, there’s the always lovely depression, the high likelihood (although not technically officially diagnosed yet) of ADHD and, well, actually that’s probably it lol. At least I hope so. Okay, fine, maybe just a small army's worth.

• Said issues have led me to a rather… unfortunate path in life, but I shall refrain from boring you with my life story. Suffice it to say that I don’t exactly have my life in order. Realistically, it shouldn’t affect you a whole lot either way, but I’d rather get these things out of the way now than get ghosted later. Some of these issues are:

• I’m overweight. “What!”, you scream. “An overweight Redditor? Impossible!”. It’s true, though. I know, unheard of. Anyway. As of this writing, I’m on ~108kg at 183cm tall. Or, for the annoyingly persistent metric deniers: ~238lbs at pretty much exactly 6 feet tall. Unfortunately, approximately 0% of that is muscle mass. Well, not actually, but you get the point :P

• Size queens will have to wait for a “buy one, get one free” special offer and do some Frankensteining to get their toll, I’m afraid. Then again, I’m doubtful a lot of those made it to down here. But you never know!

• There are some more consequences, but they are unlikely to affect you, so I will keep those for private conversations.

Well, not particularly happy with that list. The eternal battle between being honest and open and keeping things short and, well, not scaring everyone off :) Is what it is! Good enough. Now! Finally! You almost made it, only one little list to go! Fair warning, I’m going to be a bit annoyed while typing this one out. But, in my defense, I have very good reasons. Cut me some slack, please? Here goes:

The Contact:

• For initial conversations and sniff tests, write me an introduction message here, on Reddit. And by message, I mean message. Message. Not chat. That’s not what that word means. Repeating: Not chat. Nor chat or chat. Do not chat. Have I mentioned that you shouldn’t chat me? Don’t chat me. Why am I repeating myself, you ask? Well, I’m glad you wondered! It’s because of something I said at the very start of this atrocity of a post: People don’t listen when you ask nicely. As such, I’m, once again, telling you now: Do. Not. Chat. Me. If this is not abundantly clear now, I don’t freaking know anymore. Write a message. Here, I’ll even eliminate the excuse of “I don’t know how!”. Click here. There you go. Look, I know we’re way past the point of annoying, but you have no concept of just how aggressively this has been ignored in the past. So final notice, if you have an actual interest and chat me with it, you’ve just eliminated yourself from consideration. Chat is borderline broken, slow as hell, doesn’t give me notifications and the (input) window is too goddamn small. I’m not doing it. Lastly, in case you wonder why I’m overreacting so hard: Because it’s the simplest damn request in the world and the fact that people can’t even respect that, frankly, tells me everything I need to know about their fitness as a domme. Or, you know, as a decent human being, for that matter. Don’t do it. Okay, rant over. As you were.

• After some initial conversation, we can move off platform. I have certain preferences on what to use, but we'll have to discuss that privately, as, apparently, mentioning certain things makes the auto-ban-bots in some subs very unhappy.

• Your initial message should communicate a clear effort. If you’re already hatching a plan to introduce yourself with 2 sentences, just save us both the time. It just tells me that you can’t be arsed to reciprocate an honest effort. Look at this absurdity of an ad. Do you think 2 sentences is a fair response? If so, move on. Obviously you don’t have to write… checks notes ouf, 25k characters, but you need to cover certain basics. If I get one more introduction that tells me absolutely nothing about the person messaging me, I might just jump off of something high :[

• Here are some hints as to what you may want to include, roughly ordered by importance: Age, location (or at least timezone), experience level, what you liked about my ad and/or what made you interested, what you’re looking for and a general idea of what you’re into, any notes or comments you have about things I’ve gone over in this post, some personal details about yourself, such as hobbies and general things you like, anything about you that conflicts with my preferences, anything that meshes well with my preferences, any points you gathered from my bonus point program, anything else you deem important or prudent. Obviously these aren’t all a requirement, they’re hints. Although, if you don’t include the first three, at the very, very least, that would be kinda unhelpful lol.

Alright! Get out the boombox, play some party music and relax in the provided chairs, you've made it to the end! Okay, enough, you can party later. For now, there is more work to be done. What are you still sitting there for? Go, write me a message! ^{Not a chat though}