I (35F, AP or maybe FA but definitely more anxious in this relationship) have been with an FA (38M, leaning DA in this relationship) for 5 months. There has been some push - pull throughout the relationship, with currently a larger deactivation for the second time (triggered by a 4 day camping trip together). He doesn't know about attachment styles, but he is self-aware at times (e.g. being able to say he is feeling distant, during smaller deactivations communicating that he will get back to me in X time, being able to recognize that it's a trauma response instead of tied to his feelings for me, ...). We're meeting next week to have a conversation about the relationship dynamic (proposed by him). He gets easily triggered by these conversations (which seems tied to the abusive relationship with his ex who would pressure him to continue fights all night where nothing would get resolved), so I'm thinking about how I could make this conversation as safe as possible. I feel like we could handle / communicate around the distancing better in a way that we would both be less triggered. I would like to get the some insight on how to approach.

From my perspective, this would be my goal for the conversation: I'm very willing to give him space, but it would help me to get some reassurance that it doesn't change his feelings for me and some kind of indication of when and how he wants to be in contact. I also think him communicating needs and boundaries sooner could defuse the situation and lead to a less severe deactivation.

Apart from some general advice on how to approach, I was in doubt about these specific issues:

1. Any advice on how to start the conversation? I wanted to start from the premise that the large deactivations are uncomfortable for the both of us. From the outside looking in, it does look like he feels uncomfortable (e.g. he talks more about being tired, being sick of people, ...) but I'm not sure whether that's his experience and whether that might already be too much of an assumption. I don't want the conversation to be taken like a threat to his independence. I value his (and my own) autonomy. I would love for him to be able to take his space from a place of security, instead of needing to push me out becasue he's triggered and having this insecurity / tension lingering between us.
2. Is it reasonable for me to ask for a timeframe in which he'll get back to me when he's distancing? He has done this unprompted with smaller deactivations, but he has also said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship where there is any pressure / expectations about responding within a certain timeframe. When not deactivated, we have consistent contact (texting almost daily and seeing eachother once or twice a week). When deactivated, we barely communicate in between meet ups, and it's difficult for me going from daily texting to not knowing when I'll hear from him (and then getting a text once a week). I miss our lighthearted back and forth (inside jokes, songs, ...). He has said consistent contact through texting is not important for him to maintain the connection. I'm not really sure what could be a reasonable compromise here?
3. I'm fearing this last deactivation might have shifted the pacing / frequency of contact for good. I'm not sure how to approach bringing this up? I tried to bring this up last time, and he immediately felt threatened. We have been able to talk about pacing before (when I approached it from a more general perspective and not specifically related to our relationship). From what he's told me, I get the sense that statements about how often we communicate or see eachother create pressure of having to live up to these expectations.
4. In general, what are some very concrete and specific things that I could ask for in dealing with deactivations? I notice him easily feeling defeated in discussions so I would like to have some concrete solutions at hand.

Any advice would be much appreciated!