I (30f) from Louisiana have always had complete custody of my son (7m). His dad has only ever had him every other weekend for the past 5 years or so. Prior to that, it was one day every other weekend. This was his choosing. Anytime I offered more time, he declined. This included overnight stays. I have never, in 7 years, denied him the right to see his child and we have always coparented fairly well.

Fast forward to last year, at one point, we were hanging out consistently and contemplating a relationship but in all honesty, he was/is very immature. And we drifted apart over the course of a few weeks. When I reached back out to him, he was seeing someone. In less than 3 months, I found out from my son that his dad moved 40 mins away and didn’t think to tell me about that. But whatever. She instantly became pregnant and they just had their baby in late June/early July.

Anywho, as soon as he moved in with her and took over all her bills, he decided he no longer wanted to pay me the agreed upon amount of $500 that he’s been paying me every month the past year or so and stated he would automatically pay less unless I let him claim my son on taxes. I told him that we could alternate claiming him but this year, I needed to, due to starting a new job last fall, having car issues that needed to be repaired, etc. and so that I could actually benefit from the money. This was what ticked him off and actually made him start paying me less. He said my tax return will more than cover the cost of living of our son. SMH.

Well in January, I filed child support through DCFS at the recommendation of multiple friends and family members. If he could not agree on an amount, I figured the state and a judge could decide so that way it’s fair & we have something in writing. My son already fights for his attention and emotional support. I didn’t want the day to come where he is fighting for his financial support if his relationship with the new girlfriend who’s pregnant doesn’t work out.

So, a few weeks ago, I was served with papers for him requesting 50/50 custody. I have consulted with an attorney but have not retained one at this time due to I am saving up for a deposit for the retainer. The attorney advised me to attempt to get him to reach an agreement outside of court because the court is going to assist we attempt mediation. And whether I hire her or someone else, I’m gonna drop thousands on a retainer just to have my attorney call his attorney and ask what it is he’s seeking.

The day before my consult with the attorney, I tried to get him to reach an agreement and he spoke to his lawyer and said he will never agree on child support amount and he spent thousands on an attorney so he will see me in court. I waited a few days before attempting again to try and settle, just asking him what it is he even wants to see if we could possibly reach an agreement or compromise. Again, he said he does not with to settle this before court.

I know what the issue is. We unofficially share joint legal custody while I have primary physical custody. His lawyer has him under the assumption that if we hash out a parenting plan and he agrees, the case would get dismissed and the order would be signed BUT, he would still owe me like $700 or more in support. His attorney is almost guaranteed to be telling him that she can win his case and he will get 50/50 custody and only have to pay $240. So that is why he is insisting.

The last time I reached out to him, I offered him more time if it’s 50/50 he wants. I offered to drop the child support case if he would be willing to speak with me and develop a parenting plan that encompasses legal and physical custody, visitation and holidays, etc. and I didn’t say this but I was insinuating that I would be willing to compromise on a support amount. Radio silence. He is refusing to respond now. I am just at a loss. What would you do?

In 7 years, he has never picked him up or dropped him off at school. He has never been to a single doctors or therapy appointment. He refuses to attend school orientation and parent conferences. He cannot feasibly get my child to school due to his work schedule and distance from the school district. I am trying so hard to work something out and he just won’t work with me. He is doing it out of spite because he wants me to spend thousands of dollars because he did. And also, he feels blindsided by the support papers. Saying I waited a month after he was served to want to talk about this. I had no idea he was served until the sheriffs office was beating on my door to serve me. We went from a great relationship to this and honestly, I’m so sick. I’m not eating or sleeping. I want what is best for my son, who is special needs, and am trying to figure out how to reach an agreement with him on what is best for our son because we, as his parents, know him best. But I’m being stonewalled. Literally any advice or support is welcome.

There is no price tag that can be placed in the worth of my relationship with my son or the time I get to spend with him so I will obviously come up with the thousands of dollars to have a lawyer speak to his. But when a coparent is being so difficult or unreasonable, is my only option to retain an attorney and proceed with a hearing?