I've been on T almost 2 years now (yeah I started right at the beginning of the pandemic lol I've been able to go into transition cave) and suffice it to say the libido increase and lack of output is getting me a little... ansty.

I only was ever in one relationship before I came out, and it was when I ID'd as ace, so the guy I was with was OK with no sex. We ended up doing some stuff, mainly oral, but tbh all things considered I'm not much better than a virgin in terms of my experiences. No penetration, and I can count the number of times I've given head on one hand.

Thing is that right now, I might have done a complete 180 and gone from bi-ace to aro-bi. Being in any sort of relationship, especially exclusive and with commitment or the idea of marriage on the table just makes me feel sick. Idk if that's a permanent aro thing, or some sort of self esteem issue and I need therapy, but for the near future (and for thr sake of this post) I'll say I don't have interest in getting emotionally close with anyone or starting a relationship.

Thing is, I still REALLY wanna fuck.

If I was smart, I'd get myself a fwb or something. But right now my (limited and small, I'm allergic to socializing apparently) friend group is exclusively straight dudes— and, truthfully, even if they weren't, they all knew me pre-transition and there's an inherent ick factor at the idea of sleeping with someone who might think of me as a woman.

So I'm not sure what that leaves. If I had more experience or a wider social net I'd be set because I really think all I need and want is casual sex— be it hookups or fwb or whatever. But it'd have to be someone new, so there's just this daunting task then— I have to find someone who is not only OK with having sex with a pre-OP trans guy with heavy restrictions (no PiV, I don't penetrate, my shirt never comes off) but also one that I could somehow (trust? Is trust the right word?) to ease me into new sexual experiences.

Idk I feel like I'm just looking for a venn diagram of criteria that has no overlap. It feels like "can trust with having accomodating sex with a newbie" almost necessitates having a relationship, because I'm coming with that extra baggage. More than anything I'm afraid my inexperience and major dysphoric areas coupled with a stranger could lead to just a horrible/painful experience that would push me away from having sex ever.

Anyone have similar experiences or any advice? Am I overthinking the need to "trust" someone to have sex that meets my needs, and most people looking for casual sex would work just fine?