so like. i started t last saturday and ever since then ive been so paranoid that ill take it for months and nothing will happen at all. im so scared of being stuck the way i am, with the voice i have and the face and body ive got. im so scared, because what if, for some fluke reason, it doesnt work on me? i know thats basically impossible with the right levels, but im losing sleep over it. i know its irrational its just terrifying.

i guess its because some people start to see changes with bottom growth and things so early on, so i think that if i don't see those signs, its a sign its not working. im also so worried some of the things im feeling are just psychosomatic. i felt twinges in my dick, but what if my minds just making that up because i want bottom growth? i felt overly warm yesterday, but what if my brain was playing tricks? i feel like ive almost researched too much and im examining things when i should just let it happen.

parts of me feel broken though. i never got horny easily pre-t, but i was looking forward to an increased sex drive because of t. apparently thats also one of the first things to happen, but i haven't seen any changes.

i know all of these thoughts are incredibly irrational. ive been on t all of 4 days, i cant expect things to happen so quickly. its just so fucking scary. im gonna talk to my therapist on friday, so maybe she can help, but i really dont know what to do to change this mindset. do any of yall have advice on how to get out of this place? its terrifying and i hate it. i just want to be happy im on t after fighting for 5 years to get it, but instead im worried about all this new shit i didnt even think about before.