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Attraction to Women Until They Find Out I'm Trans?
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I don't know if anyone else has had this experience (hopefully I'm not alone!).

I live fully stealth and have for years. I have been in several long-term relationships as well. My biggest issue in relationships is that I always find myself drawn towards other women who don't know I'm trans - the flattery of them liking me as a "cisgender male" is so strong that it is hard to pull away from. But the instant that they find out I'm trans, I lose all interest in them.

It has been messing up my relationships for years because my partner can sense that I'm pulling away for a little while and then I come back. No, I've not cheated (emotionally or otherwise). I just don't know how to recreate this same sense of flattery in an actual relationship where my partner knows that I am trans.

Hopefully that all made sense?

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Right, I agree that I donā€™t actually like those other women. Itā€™s just that it feels so flattering. I donā€™t need to feel validated. I know Iā€™m a man. I donā€™t need someone else to tell me that.

And yeah, ā€œgetting past itā€ is a lot easier said than done. Been in years of therapy and have not made even one step towards being okay with it or seeing it as anything but a lifelong medical condition that I donā€™t want.

With my partners, I know they love me for who I am. I just wish I did, too.

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4 years ago