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I don't know if anyone else has had this experience (hopefully I'm not alone!).
I live fully stealth and have for years. I have been in several long-term relationships as well. My biggest issue in relationships is that I always find myself drawn towards other women who don't know I'm trans - the flattery of them liking me as a "cisgender male" is so strong that it is hard to pull away from. But the instant that they find out I'm trans, I lose all interest in them.
It has been messing up my relationships for years because my partner can sense that I'm pulling away for a little while and then I come back. No, I've not cheated (emotionally or otherwise). I just don't know how to recreate this same sense of flattery in an actual relationship where my partner knows that I am trans.
Hopefully that all made sense?
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- 4 years ago
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Right, I agree that I donāt actually like those other women. Itās just that it feels so flattering. I donāt need to feel validated. I know Iām a man. I donāt need someone else to tell me that.
And yeah, āgetting past itā is a lot easier said than done. Been in years of therapy and have not made even one step towards being okay with it or seeing it as anything but a lifelong medical condition that I donāt want.
With my partners, I know they love me for who I am. I just wish I did, too.