Heads up this pertains to general LGBT issues, including some experiences I had back in my lesbian days, rather than specifically FtM ones. So might be worth skipping if you're only interested in discussing FtM issues.

A couple of memories have just popped into my head from my pre/early-transition days. They're not really big deals in and of themselves, but they feed into other grievances i have. So felt a need to vent.

One was a friend i had who was a cis straight male who'd go to gay clubs to hit on bi girls. I never challenged him on this but did one day say many queer women don't like this, and he goes "isn't the whole point of an LGBT club that everyone is free to express themselves?"

Second memory was early in my transition I started feeling bicurious. I said to my friend that i might try hooking up with guys but that I didn't want to use anyone as an experiment. And also that I wouldn't use guys for sex but only women for serious stuff, if I could help it. She got a bit perturbed and said isn't the whole point of the LGBT community that everyone can do what they want? (She's bi, but has only seriously dated cis men. Though i didn't think at the time that this was conscious/deliberate).

Aa a guy who borders straight/bi, I can kind of see where she's coming from. People's sexualities and genders aren't choices, and we should all be free to express ourselves.

But at the same time... no. The 'point' of the LGBT community was not, and will never be, to endulge in a sex-positive utopia. The freeness of it was a huge perk, but ultimately I was there to find a girlfriend, a wife, a long term partner... a future mother of my children. My life as a lesbian was equally serious and valuable as that of straight men and women. I'm all for casual sex. I love casual sex. But in no other context would someone brush off basically reducing someone to a source of casual sex/'adventure'/experimentation. It was very annoying to have to deal with these people as a lesbian.

I feel like people reduce trans people down to experiments in this way, but with added transphobia. I also feel like there's this broader trend of treating LGBT people and communities like representatives of a broader sexual ideology, and that bothers me a bit. We're just people.

Edit: also while I'm not here to police anyone's sexual choices, I feel like a simple answer to this tension is for bicurious people to hook up with each other. Rather than constantly seeking out homosexuals. Obviously some gays, lesbians and trans people are fine with this dynamic, in which case fine — go ahead and shag the chaser. But many aren't, and there are respectful ways to go about seeking experimentation out.