A post came up on my social media, from a trans guy, talking about male privilege he'd experienced since passing as cis. I related to many of the points, agreed with them, and at the end of the day I stand with women against sexism and disrespect. I'd like to make that clear.

But, there are a couple of things which bothered me. First is, we never hear about men who've become loneliner or had their emotions not taken seriously, after transitioning. It's only ever men who report 100% advantages. This isn't his fault, but when I see trans guys who only ever discuss male privilege and never even a footnote about men's problems, it rubs me the wrong way.

Second, I scrolled through his other posts and found other stuff that said "men paid me sooooo much more respect after I transitioned. So much more. They started being friendly with me, taking an interest in my life, cracking jokes." His tone of voice made it clear he was saying "men bad", as if it's misogynistic and wrong that men are friendlier with other men.

Now, I personally do not like strict gender differences. I also don't like how my masculinity wasn't taken seriously before transitioning. When I meet masculine women, I treat them like one of the lads if that is their vibe. And with all genders I see/treat people as individuals. I think refusing to be friends with women and treating them like outsiders is really unfair and daft.

But at the end of the day, it's not misogynistic to enjoy being with other men. Or to feel a bit more relaxed around them. Or to treat them differently in general to how you treat women in general (I'd say this is just reading the room). I think also any man who is straight knows that the optics can come off completely wrong if you're too friendly or interested in women. Because regardless of your intentions, some people will see it as flirty and this could damage your reputation if she isn't interested. Men are naturally threatening to women. We have to earn their trust. And so yeah, of course I'm not gonna act super keen to be close to a woman I've just met (in any capacity, even platonic) when I know how it could come off.

I think in general too men, women, and nb people, just have different styles for socialising, and that is okay. When cis men started being bro-y with me after I transitioned I was flippin over the moon and I value it a lot in my life. I don't think it's sexist. I think it's a normal part of gender identity to enjoy your masculinity with other people who are masculine.

It just seemed unnecessarily negative to be making it about "respect" and acting like men are this foreign species, just because they feel more comfortable/understood around other men. It makes me embarrassed seeing him act like that and frustrated that there aren't more ftm voices discussing what's good about being a man, or the kindness other men have showed them. And honestly, I'm kind of just sick of normal parts of gender and self-expression suddenly being labelled problematic/toxic when it's a man who does it.

(I think most people are fine with this stuff and don't demonise men for this shit. It's really just a loud minority who act like anything men do is wrong, and I get sick of them sometimes).