Should I Farm That - Going in Blind Edition

Wow, it's been a long time since I last posted a SIFT. I kind of just stopped abruptly one day thinking I'd start posting again eventually. Well that was 8 months ago and I also quit FFBE a couple months ago so I figured I'd do one last post for some closure.

Well it looks like we're getting FFXII this week. Despite having played the game in its entirety, I recall nothing from it other than liking the gambit system and the story is very forgettable. Literally every single thing I currently remember about that game is from reading posts in the FFBE sub. For example, I know that the main character is Agrias who is a blonde woman and if I remember correctly from old PPDs, she's married to Fuc Keve. In the original version her hair was green but they changed it to blonde because it matches the original artwork from Nobuo Uematsu (also her original name in JP was Teener). I think she also goes by Charlotte and there's a subquest to turn her into a succubus by fighting a sentient tomato.

Now that I've established my deep expertise in the matter despite my long absence, let's GiB through a small handful of the new gear.

(S)TMRs

Dethorned Heroin Ash's STMR
Sword of Kings
[sword]: 120 ATK, 171 MAG, 22 DE/SPR, 25% magic mitigation, Nethicite (nullify next spell, -75% MAG for 1 turn to all enemies, magic attack (12x, MAG) to all enemies)

Who the hell is Ash? You'd think the main unit would be a character from the collab game. I'm just going to assume it's Ash Ketchum from Pokemon because Ash being a heroin fiend makes a lot of sense but I had no idea that heroin has thorns that require removal. Well, we waited this long for rainbow Celes, so I'm just going to assume that the sword is good. I highly recommend pulling for at least 10 copies of this STMR. Maybe 11 just to be safe.

Dethorned Heroin Ashe's TMR
Simply Myself
[materia]: 30% MAG, 20% HP/MAG with sword or dagger equipped

Isn't Rosa supposed to be a bow user? WTF is up with the sword/dagger requirement? Well, I don't remember any of the TMRs in the game very well anymore so I quickly googled a TMR ranking list for comparison. It's a little old but should still be accurate right? Based on my extensive research, this materia should be amazing but make sure you farm out 5 copies of dual wield first and at least one dual cast.

I should probably research a bit more to be safe. Does anyone know the URL for FFBEEquip.com?

Flosser's Gauntlets
[accessory]: 50% resist to tooth decay, 75% provoke

These would be great in real life. Imagine being at a restaurant only to discover that you have some meat stuck in your teeth. Just simply pull out a couple yards of floss from your gauntlet and yank that chunk of meat right out. Bonus points if you can get it to fly into someone's glass. And when they get pissed off and attack you? Block their attacks with your gauntlet! If someone actually made this, it would be the best invention since the auto-enema diaper (now with new car smell).

Bergner's Helm
[steering wheel]: Enables Zoolander: 10 turning right, -10 turning left.

Didn't Bergner's go out of business? Well according to wikipedia that company closed all their physical stores a couple years ago and they are now an online store. Weird collab but it keeps the players happy! Alim/Gumi is so in tune with the players and puts a stop to all the annoyances in the game. They really know how to stop, collaborate, and listen.

I can only assume that ships have been implemented in FFBE in my absence. If not, it seems kinda pointless lugging around the steering mechanism for a ship without a ship to steer. That reminds me of a joke:

A pirate walks into a bar.

Bartender: Sorry, but I can't help notice that you have a steering wheel attached to the front of your pants.

Pirate: Aye, it's been stuck there since morning and it's driving me nuts.

One real review for everyone that read SIFT for the reviews and not for the shitposting

Aegis Shield (FFXII)
[heavy shield]: 32 DEF/SPR, 44 MAG, 10% resist to all elements

Although this is the only heavy shield with MAG on it, the rarity of that combination isn't very useful under any but the most contrived circumstances. Any time you care about MAG, you're going to want either TDH or TDW - both of which are unpossible with this equipped. Needless to say, units that can even equip heavy shields and rely on MAG are very few and far between. Designated Hitter Ashe just happens to be one of those units but she has an incredible 300% eqMAG TDH from passives. You'd be crazy to equip this shield instead.

So we can just ignore the MAG on this and compare it to other heavy shields with elemental resists. Hero Shield (48 DEF, 20% resist all elements) doesn't have as much SPR but makes up for it with double the elemental resists. Impervious Shield (50 DEF/SPR, 20% resist all elements) is just outright better. Hero Shield comes from the Octopus and the Teacher trial that is so powercrept now that I had P Cecil solo that fight. Impervious Shield comes from the Torturous Trio trial which is also trivial by today's standards. (yes, P Cecil can solo it too).

You'll never use this shield but this is a FF game thus we're all naturally hoarders so I'm sure you'll be keeping this "just in case."

Goodbye and Thanks!

Thanks for reading my final SIFT! I considered a huge post with some silly theme but in the end I'm very happy to officially end it the way it started: Full of forced jokes with a smattering of "useful" information.

It's been a fun adventure with you all. Stay safe and healthy! And may RNG always be in your favor!

TL;DR:

Bye!