This is like a storytime basically....

By the way before anyone questions my FA status because I act, I am on disability, I have ZERO friends, I suffer from mental illness and I'm single and been single for a long time...I'm already prepared to get down voted like crazy but I just had to get this off my chest. So basically I'm a struggling actor. I mainly do it "for fun" but acting is very difficult to do even recreationally as it takes a lot of time & effort. It's just something people do on the side until or unless it makes them big bucks...I think most people on the outside see it that way as well. Anyways, I was never really huge on auditioning (was never good at it, which it is an actual skill, they even have classes you can take for it)....So with that being said, I was getting back into acting after a long hiatus away from it and decided to post on a fb group looking to collab on projects together with fellow actors. I got contacted by this drop dead gorgeous girl, I mean, and to no surprise she models as well. We've collabed and worked on a couple of things already & I mean the star contrast to her life and mine is beyond incomparable. Basically, the most recent thing we did together, was a very short shoot that I facilitated and wrote. We both were headed to location, long story short I got into a very bad car wreck on that day (still getting hashed out now which is a nightmare), anyways after the shoot was done, she was down to give me a ride back to my wrecked car, so I can at least call a tow, and she was down to give me a ride back to my place.

So she was a sweetheart in that sense, which I appreciated very much. While we were driving out of the parking garage, she was thinking of going inside of a cafe to warm up and get some coffee, but I had mentioned maybe we could get some together. Quickly she began to say she was only thinking about it, and how maybe I can be dropped off to my wrecked car to get it towed. She eventually parked by the cafe, just to take hit of a gb. While she was doing that, I swear to god she had mad different people blowing her up to hang out or people trying to make plans with her. I heard somewhere very attractive people are treated like mini celebrities. I thought they were over exaggerating to a point but nah that shit is so damn true it's not even funny. Not to sound like some envious prick, but it must nice to never have to worry about making plans, having others make them for you. In any single day, you will never ever have to experience loneliness or boredom on pretty much any level possible, and if you do decide to stay in, it is usually voluntary, unlike for FAs, we're homebodies not out of choice which is a completely different thing. I hope if people reply, nobody really tries to relate my being FA to acting because it has nothing to do with it...Also meeting people through acting is hard, as you have to audition for parts to even go to set to mingle with other actors. It's a very tough business before anyone points that out..I know, well except for her as she has told me she books roles very often, even with just auditioning half ass without a proper set up. (It doesn't surprise me as looks privilege is a very real thing, no matter how many normies try to deny it, especially in this business it's VERY real)

Anyways, the point is of course as the pathetic FA I am, I'm catching (I wouldn't even say feelings) and as movie corny as this sounds, I just wanna be around her...I'm not stupid, like I know nothing can happen but I just wanna know her, out side of this whole acting stuff, which is the only time we ever see each other. The thing is, she gives very mixed signals even on that front (platonically), as she has mostly replied only when regarding meeting up for acting, (rightfully so) well besides the very beginning, but as of today, her replies have been pretty fast compared to other times, told her about my past drug issues as she's opened up about her stuff as well, and so I thought we were connecting....I promised myself I would never compromise this acting relationship we have for something I know is never going to ever happen ever...BUT since the accident happened, and more than likely I won't ever be able to drive now since I'm most likely going to lose the insurance battle, meeting her to collab is put to a complete halt for the foreseeable future, so I felt I had nothing to lose. The car is not drivable and the damage would cost far more than the car is worth and pretty much I'm being blamed for the accident so far but we'll see how that fleshes out. So earlier today I straight up asked or told her, hey "let's hang out today"....

I mention that because she always seemed to have an answer for if I even give a hint that I wanted to do something after. Before anyone says anything, no I understand I am not entitled to it nor am I mad about it. I am just telling the story. So when I straight up asked, she told me she couldn't as she had something to film today, and also had her friend come over for auditions to help as a reader. When I said I meant in general, like one day, she glazed over that and replied something off topic....I did say if she didn't want to in general, she should just tell me. She still glazed over that and replied with something else. My thing now is, clearly we can't even meet for the forseeable future to collab, (the only reason we are talking to begin with), and she also clearly does not want to hang out side of this realm, why does she continue to reply? Why not just ghost me? Is she enjoying the chase? Is she considering (as she never said yes but didn't say no either) but just wants to get to know me more before confirming an answer? I'm just so lost. The thing is, I'm not even trying to pursue a date with her, I just want to hang with her as a friend because when we work together, the chemistry is definitely there acting wise and we goof around and have a good time...Then online her energy definitely is different, she won't reply much, just here and there (well except for part of today of course), and then when hanging out gets mentioned, she replies back as if I just spoke Chinese to her or if I add something to that reply, she will only reply to that but glaze over the part I wanted her to answer if that makes sense

And yes this girl is definitely 100 percent out my league. The sad thing is this is par for the course for me. I see guys here or on the original FA complain about being friend zoned. I can't even get frienzoned...Yes it happens even with average girls as well. I just get FAzoned...I'm so undesirable to the opposite sex, they don't even want to be friends with me, let that sink in....More then likely though, what the actual truth probably is, is that she has plenty of friends already and doesn't need an extra one. She has enough attention coming her way, so mine is very very well let's just say not worth a dime to her. She probably has people fighting to get her attention, a lot of people she has to reschedule even to hang out, so someone she barely knows like me, I'm nothing. I guess it just kinda makes me think how I got myself to this point, to where I'm even comparing my life to someone who lives in a completely different stratosphere