TLDR; I'm cishet male but gender nonconforming and I'm okay with that.

Deconstruction has helped me realize that while I (late 20s male) am cishet, I'm gender nonconforming, at least in the eyes of my conservative evangelical peers.

I like to paint my nails (mostly different shades of blues and purples). I like to wear perfume, and moisturize my whole body with scented lotion. My preference is the peppermint scent from bath and body works. I have long hair that I put a lot of product in to keep it from frizzing up. I'm meticulous about chapstick and particular about the flavor. Usually it's a fruity flavor, like strawberry or watermelon.

Regarding relationships, I also don't fit into the "man pursues the guy" complementarian paradigm. I'm not an initiator or dominant. I'm very shy and passive, and if I get into a romantic relationship, probably won't initiate a good portion of the romantic encounters.

Don't get me wrong, I'll do whatever she enjoys, but I'm naturally just not that guy.

Idk if y'all read Twilight, but Meyer wrote a gender swapped version called "Life and Death" in which the vampire is a girl and the human is a boy. I like this version better. She initiates the relationship with him, initiates the kissing, dotes on him, chauffeurs him around, cuddles him and sings him to sleep.

I realize life is not a fairy tale and a relationship won't magically appear in front of me. I also realize Twilight isn't the paragon of good writing for a multitude of reasons.

Nevertheless, Twilight is part of my childhood. I moved across the country to a small town as a kid, just like Bella did.

I resonated then, just like I resonate now, when I read a male character who feels bland and unlovable and by chance crosses paths with a beautiful woman who is enamored with and thinks the world of him. His Princess Charming, if you will. It put words to what I was feeling.

While my gender expression has been met with disapproval, I have noticed some things. Women feel safer around me, my students feel safer around me, and I am generally a happier person.

Anyone else resonate?