I (30f) started my deconstruction journey back in high school, I grew up as an AWANA kid (I received the highest award and even went to the ceremony) and was heavily involved in AWANA because all my friends at the time were as well.

I was also involved in Purity Culture, mostly through peer pressure to be honest. My parents were very open when I had questions about sex, but at the same time they held firm beliefs about sex and relationships.

My birthday was about a week ago and I cried 3 times (new personal best), I'm talking full on breakdown crying. My two best friends are both married and having kids, meanwhile I am over here, a member of The Satanic Temple who practices witchcraft and non monogamy.

I can't help but feel like I am a failure in their eyes because I choose to live my life differently, I was raised in the mindset that "women are supposed to get married young and start popping out kids." And I know in (some) church cultures a woman isn't really seen as a whole, individual person unless she is married.

I need to keep reminding myself - you're in a different phase of your life and it is 100% okay to be career focused. It's okay to be happy spending time with your dog and your partner(s).

I know healing is not a linear process, and lingering religious trauma will throw a gut punch my way. I refuse to let it define who I am.