As a Deconstructing Pentecostal Christian, I’ve been sorting through so many of the crazy ‘supernatural’ experiences I had as a kid and have been trying to come to some kind of understanding about what was actually going on. This might be a long post, but if you too have fallen from the Pentecostal branch, then let me know what you think and how you have made sense of things. If you’re just starting to ask questions, then this might give you some answers. If you’re not from Pentecostal Christianity, I can’t guarantee how much sense this will make. Pentecostal Christianity can be unique in its strong emphasis on experiential spirituality, which can lead to a more harmful religious environment for some.

PEER PRESSURE This is the first thing I’m going to say because I think it’s the biggest factor at play, but please read my other points as well. I believe sociocultural pressure plays a massive role in Pentecostal spiritual experience. A vast majority of my personal experiences in Pentecostal Christianity were driven by this, so this is a major factor for me. However, I don’t believe it can account for all ‘supernatural’ experiences within Pentecostalism, as I have witnessed far too many experiences that were genuine - genuine in the sense that the person experienced something real that Pentecostalism then gave them language to describe.

I think these experiences often didn’t really fit into the Pentecostal box nicely, but since Pentecostal language is all that people had at the time to describe it, they usually end up squeezing into the Pentecostal box. Using the same terminology makes these spiritual experiences seem ubiquitous and uniform when they’re actually not. And when they don’t fit, some demons need to be cast out... Nevertheless, I think there are times where what is happening is more than just peer pressure.

BEING FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT Here I’m talking about the spiritual experience that leads people do crazy stuff, from running around an auditorium roaring like a lion to speaking in tongues, laughing hysterically or shaking on the ground. I saw so much of this growing up since my dad was a travelling preacher for a Pentecostal ministry and we’d go on domestic ‘mission trips’ for weeks where we would attend a string of meetings/services and see this kind of thing.

What I’ve found is that there’s great freedom in letting go of people’s expectations of you, and just doing something crazy, like screaming into the ocean on an empty beach or losing yourself to the music at a concert can be cathartic. I see these kind of ‘Holy Spirit’ experiences as less spiritual and more as people just experiencing the euphoria of letting go of peoples’ expectations, and even losing control a little by doing something totally out there. The more I have thought about this, the more it makes sense to me. It might be similar to the way people congregate to certain night clubs, festivals or concerts to let go of themselves in similar ways. Even note the terminology ‘wasted/drunk on the holy spirit’.

SPIRITUAL WORSHIP EXPERIENCES I was involved with leading worship for over ten years up until I stepped away from church, so I think this is something I understand better than other things in Pentecostal Christianity. I think some or many spiritual experiences in worship will be a result of the point I made before about letting go of your ego and doing something out of the ordinary like raising your hands or dancing, which leads to ‘breakthrough’, which is really just an inward feeling that something good is happening.

The other thing is the incredible effect music has on us. While not well understood scientifically, it is known that music effects us biologically, mentally and emotionally. I expect this to be either the primary factor or a contributing factor to the experiences many people have during musical worship. Inwardly, Christianity kind of admits this in the way that many conservative christians criticise the ways in which Pentecostals use music to manipulate people - suggesting it actually is the music, not the Holy Spirit. Personally I think musical experiences are really important, but don’t agree with the insertion of theological propaganda into music, something I have come to hold as sacred (with lack of a better term). The most ‘spiritual’ music experience I had was at a Coldplay concert, so yeah....

GENERAL MIRACLES I think most stories of general miracles (finances, ‘god gave me a car park’, etc.) are circumstances of chance that people attribute to miracles from god. I have learned there are a lot of coincidences in life, but Pentecostal Christians are always looking for miracles to attribute to their god - I think we could all find them in our everyday lives if we looked as hard. I cannot say with certainty that there is nothing to people’s claims of miraculous events, but I think that generally, many claims of Pentecostal christians are a little far-reaching at best. At worst, theologies of miracles are used for victim shaming, poverty shaming and even racism towards third world countries with a generally low socioeconomic standing.

MIRACULOUS HEALING This has probably been the most difficult thing for me to reconcile, having experienced and seen both fake and real healing personally. Many stories of healing, I believe, are inflated or made up. Many are people pretending to be healed due to the pressure of appearing to not have enough faith. However, I have first-hand seen things that I could only describe as miraculous. In Pentecostal Christianity I see the real deal as the exception to the rule, but feel like I can’t ignore my experiences. I honestly have no firm opinions on this and would love to hear your thoughts on this. However I think the idea that Pentecostal Christianity exclusively owns these kind of experiences isn’t right, having spoken to people who have experienced healing through drug-induced experiences or other non-religious means.

THE MIRACLES AND EXPERIENCES THAT DON’T HAPPEN Here is where things took a more sinister turn for me in Pentecostal Christianity. Pentecostal Christianity thinks they own God and they have the magic formulas to get to God or experiences of God. This results in people who are having genuine spiritual experiences becoming outcasts if they don’t use the language that makes their experience fit into the Pentecostal box. Such as if drugs were involved, or if they were ‘meditating’ instead of praying. This has led me to a very narrow understanding of spirituality, which I am now working hard to broaden. If there is a spiritual being/god out there, I think the idea that they respond only to particular manmade formulas of behaviour and language, rejecting all other religious expressions, is absurd.

Also the way Christians turn their back on people who don’t experience miracles or spiritual experiences after following the prescribed formula is terrible. The suffering individual is blamed for a lack of faith or for secret sin. They are pushed to the sides, because their ongoing presence threatens the Pentecostal narrative. The people that Jesus might have considered the ‘least of these’ become the victims of the greatest spiritual and emotional manipulation/abuse in the Pentecostal system, all because they didn’t pretend to get a breakthrough like everybody else. This is the most heartbreaking thing to reflect upon in my experience with church. Especially the times when I failed to support people around me going through a hard time.

I would love to hear about your experiences and thoughts.

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