This has to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I bury myself in work and exercise and cleaning and the wonderful discord posted here and I try to keep busy. I am getting a lot done, but I feel like I've lost an overall direction. The goal is to become a better me I guess. It still is a struggle every second of every day to not reach out and say something. My ex texted me a week ago and it was bitter sweet. They we're very fair with what they said and I appreciated that. I didn't reply so that we could both continue our healing ... but I want to all the time. I'm having to break some very difficult habits to not reply. I don't want to beg for us to get back together. That obviously isn't the answer. I wish I knew what they were up to and how they are feeling. I'm worried they think I don't care anymore and I'm just another ex to add to the list. It feels really shitty. I wish I could snap out of this feeling. It's paralyzing at times. I don't know how we got here. I wish I knew. I sometimes wonder if it was even worth it. I just have to accept it and it's hard. I commend everyone going through this. It is so extremely difficult.