That we will never talk again. I've actually pushed myself to join sites. I've talked to other dudes. I did what I did before I met him. Eh. wrinkles nose I've grown or something. Idk. I don't get the same gratification I once did. And if I'm being honest... I don't really want anyone. I thought i did at first, but I don't. It hit me today that we will never talk again. We will never hug or laugh together again. That sucks. 👎🏻 Finally... I've accepted that though. Finally. We broke up in July. Today I took a picture and out of habit I opened up the text app to send it to him before my brain caught up. It was the weirdest moment of muscle memory. But it was in THAT moment that I realized... he no longer exists and never will in the way you thought you knew him. He thinks I did him wrong and I feel like he did me dirty in ways... however... I'm no longer interested in trying to prove I didn't do what he accused me of and his lies? Water under the bridge or whatever that saying is. Humans lie for their own reasons. I haven't walked his shoes, so chuck it. It's not worth my mental anguish. I realized that being angry at him or hurt by him isn't going to fix anything. So letting him go is the only option. I say this all softly and without malicious intent.

I'm going through a lot in general. I adopted some hobbies and I stay busy with my kids. I had two hospital overnight stays since the breakup. I'm a middle aged woman... I shouldn't even be thinking about him, but it happens. Therapy has helped a lot. Being no contact, I now know, was the right decision. It's what he wanted, and honestly, it's what I needed too I guess. I just didn't know it till now. I'll still miss what we built and what we lost. But I know now it's time to really let go. 🩶