the truth is that he doesnt. he doesnt care, and i had all this hope, all this time that he does because of this sub. but he doesnt care. he probably never really did, just went through the motions of what’s “supposed” to happen in relationships. but he only cared for the company, the sex, the jokes and the cute dates. but all he talked about was his ex, and other girls. couldnt even say that he loved me, if he ever even did. now that things are over, thinking that he still cares is laughable. all he does is leave me on read and pretend to care to rid himself of the guilt. while im off in fantasy land, thinking “he wants me so bad, he’s just scared of commitment”. i feel pathetic and delusional. i wish this pain would end, because everything felt so real, but then theres the science of “when they’re emotionally unavailable, your insecure attachment latches onto them because that’s what’s familiar.” it feels like more than that but i know it’s not. i hate my feelings and i wish they’d go away and that i’d never met him. every time i miss him, it’s a constant reminder of how flawed i am. because it feels so real and deep. i hate it.