So my ex and I have been on again off again for 8 years straight. And he would always be the one to end things. And I always tried getting him back. I would do whatever it took to have him love me again.

First it was just mean comments. I was clingy and annoying. Then I gave him space. But that turned into I didn’t care about him. Then I put more effort. And it was I was possessive. I could never make him happy.

Now after everything I finally ended with I’m a narcissist, a liar, a cheater, that I had multiple partners at once, that I’m gross, disgusting, a waste of space, that he hopes I kill myself.

And still, I fought to show him how much I loved him. That I would always stay by his side. Every time he needed help with rent, I helped. His phone bill. His car note. When he got a flat, at least 6 times. And bought a tire each time. That’s just with money I’d help.

When work stressed him out, I gave him massages. When he got sad, I’d cheer him up and make him laugh. I would be there for him cheering him on when he skateboarded.

When he cheated on me…dumped me for her, then she ghosted him. He cried over her for months. I was still there, holding him letting him know it was going to be ok. That any girl would be lucky to have him….just so he could sleep with 3 more women THEN wanna be with me….if I brought another woman to bed with us.

He has put me thru so much. Why did I put up with it? Well, he’s the father of my one and only beautiful boy. I’ve known him for 13 years now. He’s my first real relationship. We were engaged at one point. But no, those weren’t it.

I learned I’m terrified of being alone for the rest of my life. I don’t go out much. I don’t have a lot of friends. I don’t think anyone would like me and if they do they won’t for long.

But I know it’s not true. Now. Sometimes I second guess myself. But ultimately, a pet rock would treat me better than him rn. So finally, I can let him go. Fingers crossed I stay strong.