1. Silent Coalition

You know what Goonswarm, Panfam, Legacy, Hard Knocks, and Snuffed out all have in common? They lose. Wars, titans, staging citadels. You know who doesn't lose any of those? Silent Coalition. With the power of endless hordes of confused new players behind them, how could they? As such, they easily claim the top spot as the undefeated world champions.

2. Pandemic Horde

We just covered the fact that they lose sometimes, but tell me the last time you heard someone talk shit about Gobbins. Even the Mittani can barely muster the strength of will to do it. To be fair, since Pandemic Horde appear to speak mostly in Goose honks, it's hard to criticize a language nobody can understand. Regardless, the fact that Horde has poached half of the corps from NC. and Pandemic Legion already means they've got the respekt of at least the EVE boomers.

3. The Initiative

Large alliances are usually really bad at trying interesting things. Something in the water just turns the mind into Feroxes or Muninns or something. INIT has their own special supply of imported European mineral water laced with just enough LSD to boosh Ravens and kikimoras in endless loops, or to loudly declare in a deserted German alleyway that Ishtars did not, in fact, die off in 2014. And the scary part is that most of the time, it actually works.

4. Snuffed Out

This top spot is easily secured by virtue of the fact that Infinity Avengers have built what is undoubtedly the strongest CNTZ alliance in the game. The combination of bold plays using expensive toys and a timezone flexibility boosted using the power of imported FCs such as Hy Wanto and Tau AD in order to give them the ability to make plays in the quieter EUTZ lowsec scene is deadly, and respected by opponents. Snuffed would be making a play for a higher ranking, but so far they've been unsuccessful in anchoring a keepstar, meaning their supercapital crews complain of being cold at night and having to pee in bottles just to keep the ships running.

5. Templis CALSF

The preeminent Caldari Lowsec Faction Warfare Alliance, err, sorry, wrong history book. Templis CALSF may have mostly forgotten that the Tranquility Server is still running, but that hasn't stopped TheLastSparton from beating every elitist Euro into the dirt as he rolls through tournament after tournament on Thunderdome. Sparton, if you're reading this, I accept AT ships in return for providing this valuable advertising. I'll even just take some skins. Please, I'm poor

6. We Form VOLTA

Some of the most decorated whalers in the history of the server, the age of a number of critical sea captains caught up to the alliance recently. As they looked towards retirement and faced the deep philosophical dilemma of mortality and the legacy of a life well lived, they realized they needed to give back as much as they took. As a result, VOLTA have set up large areas of rental corporations in their retirement home, in hopes that future whalers will be able to harvest what they have sown for the younger generations.

7. The Army of Mangos

Honestly, I have no idea what these guys do. Might be one large autonomous Vexor botting network. Could be a sleeper cell from Serenity ready to destroy us all at a moment's notice. But the important thing is that they have the cutest fucking alliance logo out of anyone on this server. JUST LOOK AT IT. In a world of cold corporate logos and angry wildlife, one baby bird can bring us all together for a brief, beautiful moment as we click report on each Vexor account we pass in Esoteria.

8. Triumvirate

How many alliances have you seen on their 8th iteration? While we're on the topic of dogged dedication, it is necessary to mention the fact that when Triumvirate gets knocked down, or has to recover from great adversity, or has it's only leader take a long nap, they always get back up. When I am withered and grey at the age of 38 and the CCP servers are finally getting taken down, the last alliance to fall with be the 73rd iteration of Triumvirate, still led by the cybernetic android formerly known as Garst Tyrell.

9. Dreadbomb

Man, look at all that sov. Acres and acres of untainted, fresh TCUs signifying fields of rocks and rats to harvest. If you're looking for an alliance that's well rooted in it's home space and willing to leverage capitals and supercapitals to defend the territory they've worked tirelessly to convert into a cozy, prosperous home, then your search is at an end. (Warning: If Seddow pings to take those supers and caps to lowsec, they will explode.)

10. skill urself

I've completely run out of comedic ideas, just like skill urself long ago completely ran out of players that logged in. However, I'm told that it is important to respect the dead, and so we will do just that by placing these biomassed capsuleers in the #10 slot.

If your alliance is missing from this list, it's because I couldn't think of anything funny about you. Be more interesting.