Hey everyone. Thanks for allowing me here. I'm in a pretty fragile state so please be kind. Many times i post in poly groups, specially on reddit, and i feel like I get ate alive.

I've been married to my wife for since October of 2022. We had started poly officially Shortly after that, now my wife is strictly mono and has allowed me to be poly. I've had some really tough intense and quick relationships in the time we have been poly, except for my most recent one which lasted over a year.

Towards The end of 2024 that relationship started to get a bit rocky and I was a bit unhappy, I had started to lose my connection with that partner. At one point my wife had expressed to me she no longer wanted us to be poly. Which at the time I was pretty burnt out and I agreed to.

Shortly after Christmas, some things came to a head and I was pretty unhappy and my wife expressed how unhappy she was with my other partner. She wasn't forcing me to leave, but I felt under a lot of pressure to do so to save my marriage, because I do love my wife. so I ended up letting my other partner walk away during a very emotionally charged few hours with my wife. I regret making that choice while so emotional, because I believe I could have fixed things and not ended it, but I was stressed and scared. Anyway, I regretted that choice shortly after, but due to my wife feeling how she feels and my agreeing to end poly with her, I am not able to return To that relationship with my other partner, who we do want to be together and work to fix things.

Now, I fully respect my wife's choice to no longer be poly, so I'm not trying to force that on her anymore, however, I want to fix things with my other partner.

So, this leaves me with an ultimatum. I can be mono and be unhappy and stay with my wife and son, or I can leave and go be with my other partner, who is also poly and would allow poly. and I'm really struggling with this.

My wife and I aren't mad at eachother. We don't hate eachother. My wife is the one pushing to split up mainly because she knows she can't provide what I need and she doesn't want me to be unhappy.

The thing is my wife is my best friend, and yes there are times in our relationship where I am unhappy with her too, but she's overall a great person and partner. She recognizes that my girlfriend can sometimes provide more for me than she can.

My girlfriend however, seams to provide a good amount more of things that I need in a relationship than my wife can. And again, that's no fault of hers. But the things my girlfriend Does are a lot more of the physical, romantic, and affectionate things that I need, where my wife provides a lot of emotional intelligence, security, and comfort, fun and of course she's a great mom to our son. Both of them understand how hard of a choice this is for me and both are supportive and respectful of it. But my wife absolutely does not want to do poly anymore. which for the record is mostly okay with me. I'd probably be okay trying mono for awhile, it would just be really tough for me. But also my girlfriend makes me really happy.

They both provide things the other doesn't, they both Make me happy but also irritate the crap out of me. I love them both.

On top of that, like I mentioned we have a son, we are trying to buy a house, and my wife could possibly be pregnant again.

I hope you can understand why this is so hard for me. can anyone give me any helpful guidance or words? Happy to answer any questions too.

Please be nice.