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Will he ever come round?
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Will he ever come round to wanting to play with others in our relationship?

I F40 have been with my M40 for a year. I want us to try the lifestyle. In his last 18 year marriage they were swinging the entire relationship(she introduced swinging). Their marriage ended due his ex wife leaving him for other people. We agreed our relationship was going to be monogamous and he said he had no pressing desire to ever swing unless I wanted to try it. Initially, I thought I’d never want to get into it but the more podcasts and reading I’ve done, I want to try the lifestyle. He took me a sex club once so I could see what it was like becuse I had asked. We also made a couple profile on a swinger site ( initiated by me) and were talking to a few couples via group chats with plans to meet. I was flirting with the husband in the group chat and he asked for a naughty picture, I took one and sent it in the group chat. My BF was so angry with me for doing this, so to cool things off I offered to stop the whole talking with others and his responce was yes please. Let me just add my BF was flirting with the other wife too and did send naughty pictures but they where ones me and him took together.So anyway we shut everything down.

I’ve since brought up us doing a FMF a few times during sexy times. His answers to this has been “ you are trying to give me the FMF so you can ask for MFM. “ The only time we will ever have someone else in our bed is if you bring a woman in”. When I have asked if we will ever play with males his answer is “ If you ever ask for another man to join our bed then be single and go sleep with these other men you desire”.

I cannot understand how he was previously perfectly happy with taking part in countless orgies, MFM , FMF, and full swaps etc . He said him and his ex partook heavily in the lifestyle, sometimes weekly all year round childcare allowing.

It fucks my mind that he is unwilling to part take with me in the lifestyle when he would have still been in it with his ex . I know deep down he doesn’t owe me sex with others.

Will he ever come round to wanting to play with others in our relationship?

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You clearly are not seeing that he has unresolved trauma from being left by his wife as a result of the lifestyle. To his credit it seems he tried to engage for your sake but he cannot and he clearly has told you.

The fact that this fucks with your mind and that only deep down you know he doesn’t owe you sex with anyone means you are not a good match for him.

If you are prioritizing the need to swing and experience the lifestyle so much, then do as he has told you and do it without him. Break up now but be kind and do not tell him it is because of the sex with other issues as you will only add to his trauma the longer you let a relationship grow to then end it in this manner.

Wishing you all the best!

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Have him seek help for his issues. Be supportive. Be kind. Wishing you the best!

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2 weeks ago