We have been swinging for roughly 20 years now. Every couple is different, and every dynamic is different. Only you and your primary partner can make these decisions. That being said, we have learned a lot (and made mistakes) over years. Some of our rules and observations.

We only play together as a couple and in the same room. It doesn't matter if it's with another couple or with a single. If your doing this as a way to enhance your primary relationship and not looking for other romantic partners, this seems to be the best way to go. We have found that a lot of couples that play separate have a higher possibility of jealousy and animosity. That's not to say it doesn't work for some, but you can look at the threads on this subreddit and judge for yourself.

We don't drink as a personal choice. We also don't mind if another couple needs a drink or two beforehand. When it gets to a point of being inebriated, we draw the line and refuse to play with them. There are people who will use alcohol as an excuse to remove responsibility and we don't want to put ourselves in that situation. We've also witnessed others who have been inebriated and use that to push or break boundaries.

We always meet new potential partners for the first time in a non-sexual environment. Whether it's dinner or a virtual meeting, we want to ensure that everyone is on the same page when it comes to expectations and boundaries. There is plenty of time and rarely a necessity to jump into bed at this very moment.

We do not mix our personal and professional lives at all. Anyone we work with is off limits. Because we also work in customer facing jobs, we also don't play with people in the town we work in. It's a small way to not have to worry about anything messy coming up. We would strongly advise against a "work GF." That's just setting yourself up for HR and other issues. If you need someone to help you "let off steam" while at work, you need to reevaluate your primary relationship. We work together, in the same office, and can keep it together for 8 hours until we get home.

As to friends, family, coworkers finding out, they won't. We'll, unless you have a work GF, then everyone at work will know. Or if you meet someone at a club or on a site, but they're also there for the same reason. Those actively in the lifestyle don't normally tell everyone they know what they do in their personal lives. Think of it this way, how much do you currently know about your friends', family's, or coworkers' sex lives?

If you want, we have a podcast that talks about getting into the lifestyle and what we've learned along the way. It's called "Our Safe Word Is Pineapples."