I got out of a monogamous, long-term relationship almost three years ago. I had one exclusive relationship since, but have mostly been dating non-exclusively, solo-poly, I guess you could call it.

One of my partners is in an open marriage, and I desperately want what they have. Someone in my life who I was really close to, and seeing and who thought had the potential to be in that kind of a partnership with recently started seeing someone else exclusively. And I’m so sad.

Like, everyone I know in an open relationship didn’t start that way. They started monogamous. But, I hate the “ownership” element of that, I don’t want it. I also don’t want to feel like this. I know that pretending or trying to force myself into a situation or relationship will only end in hurt for both parties.

I’m now wishing I was different or felt differently about life, or wanted different things. I feel really alone and weird. Has anyone ever found a long term, primary partner, from a place of openness from the get-go?