Not really sure if I'm looking for advice or just support here. I'm feeling defeated.

My partner and I had a friend, let's call her Samantha, who we got really close with in a completely platonic way. After a few months of friendship, we realized we both had a little crush on Samantha and we decided to put ourselves out there by asking if she had any interest in either of us in any capacity outside of just being friends. We really didn't have any expectations, just wanted to see if the feeling was mutual.

To our surprise, Samantha had said it had crossed her mind before, but she wasn't exactly sure what she wanted either. We decided to take things slow and get to know each other better, still platonically, before we jumped into anything. A few months later, we all decided to dive in a little more. We got flirty in casual conversation and all seemed to enjoy it. Then, we went on a few more serious dates. Together as a trio, and separately as duos. Nothing physical happened aside from holding hands. But the connection seemed to be there. We checked in with each other often to make sure everyone was comfortable and feeling good. She never had any complaints or concerns. Things felt like they were going really well. And in between all of the dating stuff, we continued working on our regular friendship as well.

Suddenly, and without warning, Samantha ghosted us. Took us by complete surprise. We have been going over every single scenario wondering if we did something wrong. Or if we said something wrong. We made it very clear to her that if she's ever uncomfortable or wants to be just friends, we can do that, no questions asked. There were no expectations. We were all just enjoying our time as friends with the idea that it could some day be more. But again, we always made it very clear that it didn't have to be more. We valued the platonic friendship we had over anything else.

I don't know what we did wrong. I'm just feeling sad. Not even because one/both of us lost a potential partner... But because we lost what I thought was a really good friend. Did something happen that made her disappear on both of us? Or did she feel this way all along and was just too afraid to speak up? Was the friendship we had before all of this even real? I don't know, and I'm struggling with figuring out the answer.

I've stopped reaching out to Samantha since it became clear she was ghosting us. I wanted to respect her boundaries & wishes. Yesterday, the Christmas spirit just came over me and I tried texting her to say Merry Christmas and I hope her and her dog are doing well. It's the first time I've tried reaching out in months. No reply. Feeling extremely defeated that someone who I once considered a true friend won't even speak to me anymore or give me the chance to right my wrongs.