hi. i need help. i was talking to a friend and the subject of relationships came out. i’ve been non monogamous/was into polyamory since i was 17 and found out about the concept (i’m 24 now). for the longest of time it just made sense to me: i don’t think i can be with just a guy, i’m pansexual, i love my friends, traditional relationships don’t make sense, etc etc. all sensible reasons for a 17yo to early 20s mess. then i found out i’m non binary. then a lesbian. then butch. i’ve been questioning everything. was i non monogamous because i was a lesbian and could not fathom the idea of being with a man only for the rest of my life? do i have commitment issues because i’ve been single my whole life and had a very bad image of relationships because of my parents? am i actually aro/demiromantic? i think about being with a woman/nb person and i can envision a future with them, but the same doubts always come in. how can i love only one person? what if it’s not really love? what if they start treating me like shit? what if they start demanding i prioritize them over friendships or new relationships? bottom line is i agree with the fundamentals of ethical-non monogamy. but i live in a very small city in a third world country. i’ve found only one (1) person who shared my ideals and they crushed my heart, badly. we’re in speaking terms now after almost three years of me being unable to even attend the same artistic community we were in. i don’t know. sometimes it feels like i’m faking everything, and i should just give up. be like everyone else. be monogamous. or maybe i’m not even that, maybe it’s just trauma. i feel very confused and lost and lonely.