When people ask my husband (48m) and I (50f) what our dynamic is, we are at a loss. Here is how we have worked it out for us:

● Our hearts remain with each other. We are not looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend. So no beholden feelings. This does not include a friendship type love. We do love our friends, just not romantically.

● We swing and regularly go to house parties. We WILL hook up with people we meet that night but it's a rule to get to know them first and aren't at all down with hooking up with randos. We make sure that we get the thumbs up from each other before we solo play, but we prefer playing as a couple with another couple.

● We do play reoccurringly with both couples and solo in a more private setting like our home or sometimes a hotel room. We strongly encourage repeat play partners.

● We are on the lookout for a couple we can not only be great friends with but also play with as a quad and also solo.

● I've recently become a little jaded with the swinger scene because it seems that the sex is impersonal with limited pleasure beyond PIV. There's sometimes oral and on an occasion it's only one sided.

● We recently found "pleasure groups" where the sex is more sensual and passionate. It's usually community focused and a friend group that requires a stronger vetting process.

● We also Dom, both separately and as a couple. Including things like impact play, shabari, fire play, power exchange, pinning etc.

So..... what's our relationship dynamic? We can't be Anarchy because we are very hierarchical. We can't be poly because we don't want romantic beholden relationships. We don't really fit well with the swinger community because we do want connection and strong friendships. We may be "progressive swingers" but we also Dom some of our play partners and play solo.