This is s strange space to be in. Long story long My partner and I came to the Poly life at different times. It was awful. I was not ready for it when he was and I felt very lonely and disrespected in our marriage despite understanding there were things we each needed that we couldn't give each other. Our change was not without lots of talking. Lots And Lots Of Talking Lots of tears and moments of questioning my worth. I was also going through a very stressful time in school and at work. My ultimate thought was how could you do something so major when you know it hurts me, yet still say you love me? (You should've left him! I mean. Yeah. Sure, I could've. But I looked at all the beautiful positives of our relationship and decided to stay. MOVING ON!)

So flash forward 2 years, I'm with it. Took a lot of research, emotional reassurance, and even more talking to get me on board. But I like it now. I see the benefits and positive changes in my partner. I'm excited to meet other people for myself. I'm finally getting out there. Had quite a few duds, weirdo and ghosters on the apps. I connect with someone. It's a welcome change from chats I've had with other interests. It's good. So good we're discussing our first date. We also share our real names. He has the same name as my husband. Its not an uncommon name. I don't tell him that but I do think it's a funny coincidence. My partner and I don't meet each other's people. So I mention the first date to my husband. He needs time to adjust to me now dating but he's supportive and encouraging. In a separate conversation, he asks for some details and I share that they have the same name. Husband thinks it's weird. He also thinks it's odd I kept up communication once I learned the name. He thinks I'd be upset if the same happened to him. I would find it weird but not Don't Date Her Weird. Again odd coincidence. He did however encourage me to enjoy my first date. The next day... he shares his deeper feelings. He thinks it's dismissive and disrespectful that I am pursuing this once I learned his name, and especially after husband shared his feelings. I said I understood it was weird for him but I also had a realy good time with my date. Husband is worried about long term issues such as them being in the same room and answering when someone calls out their name. People being confused if they are brought up individually in a story. I did say i was frustrated because we wouldn't even have this discussion if the man was named Adam. The fact that I don't call either person by their given name is irrelevant. Prior to this I did not think our respective people would ever meet. I previously specified that I didn't want to meet his partner. He's had that relationship for over a year. That's been our standard. So now to my issue... I felt awful that a matching name is making my husband feel dismissed and disrespected. I am however feeling like i am being called out for something relatively small yet my previous feelings about opening our marriage were ignored. You're mad about a name. I wanted to keep our marriage just us. Things didn't work out with the new person. He was understanding about the name thing and we also agreed we weren't a good fit despite a good date. HOWEVER prior to that, I just got a good date with a good person and already I'm asked to let it go. I fought with my feelings of "that's not fair!" but ultimately did not ever want my husband to feel dismissed and disrespected. Now I'm wondering how I can feel like the worst person in the world for him feeling disrespected but back then, he didn't feel that for me or he did feel awful and kept it moving for his own needs. I am still interested in our relationship and WNM but it is not easy to forget how I felt in those early years. I have not mentioned this flashback feeling to my husband.

TL;DR Am I wrong if I call out the disparity in "wrongs" in moments that may change our marriage?