I (F-40's) divorced a couple years ago after a long monogamous marriage. After my divorce, that had some deadbedroom times, some pent up bisexual feelings on my behalf, and this desire to not be tied to one person sexually the rest of my life, I have decided ENM is what I want and what I need in my life.

So with that, I'm not closing any doors in the ENM realm that are opened to me. I always disclose my intentions and opinions on all things honestly and openly - I don't fear losing dates by sharing my thoughts. Finding dates isn't difficult, finding quality dates is and I'd rather lay it all out there and let them decide.

I went out with this man knowing that he was "solo poly" and with full disclosure to him that I don't consider myself poly at this point in my life, which in our conversations leading up to the date he said he was "totally fine, I just like meeting people."

We talked about ENM, with a heavy focus on poly, and discussed all the books we've read, all the events we've gone to, our own experiences with ENM, what we are looking to get out of ENM, and even compared sources for ENM including Reddit which he didn't know about; "Hi T, hope you read this and reflect on it."

The whole time he kept coming back to asking why I would not commit to polyamory. At first he seemed genuinely curious but as the night went on, it quickly became apparent that this bothered him. Soon it switched to him 'selling' polyamory to me. He wanted me to commit to him and he just reminded me of a car salesman wanting to close the deal. The more I said "No" the more annoyed we both got. I didn't feel attacked or anything with this, just annoyed.

However, when I stated that I liked the idea of being "a third, ..." and he fully interrupted me to say, and I'm not kidding here, that if I chose to be a "unicorn," that I would be "disrespecting" myself. WTH? This pissed me off. There he was telling me what I should do with my body and mind. He knew I was pissed at this point.

To switch up tactics, he then decided to attack couples that seek a unicorns calling them, "the worst kinds of people" and if I even associated with them I "might as well be a sex-worker." I didn't know what to say at this point. Date was clearly over.

I understand from the polyamory viewpoint that anything unicorns is a touchy subject, but I had already established with him that I am well-educated on ENM, I am a strong, independent woman who is more than capable of taking care of myself in all aspects of life, including relationships of all kinds, and how the biggest insult you can give anyone, is to shame their choices, especially to a woman in our current state-of-affairs.

I guess the thing that bugs me most about all of this is that this wasn't the first time I've had this experience with polyamory men, or WOMEN! I don't want to rule out polyamory people, and I'm always fully open in my opinions and position on all things ENM, including polyamory, with potential dates, but I'm starting to feel that no matter what I choose to do with MY BODY and LIFE, the poly community is always going to be judging me and shaming me.

Thanks for reading this far into the rant. I'm sure it'll be pointed out to me how it's my fault, I expect it, but I'll still read it with an open mind and see if I can improve my experiences.