I’m a gay man married to a straight woman. We”ve been together more than half of my life and have two young children. I’ve always suffered from depression of some sort. I came out to myself and my wife about four years ago. Our relationship has been really rough ever since. Mostly of my own doing. I fell into a really deep depression, feeling the lack of being able to pursue a same sex relationship left me feeling empty while also feeling conflicted with still loving my wife and wanting her in my life. She agreed to trying an open marriage but I was so desperate to fix how I felt that I didn’t take the time to go at a pace she was comfortable with. I had some negative experiences with men that made me feel worse combined with guilt and shame of coming back home and having negative interactions with my wife about it. This has both reinforced the idea that a relationship with a man is not what I actually need and destroyed any foundation we had left to work with. Is this beyond repair or is there hope? I know ENM is not supposed to be used to fix a relationship, so does that mean that it will never work for a gay man married to a straight woman because I can’t be content with what I have?