Hey there,

Would first like to say that this is all very new to myself and my partner (27m) (27f).

We’ve been together for 8 years now, married for 5 and within the past few years of my wives deconstruction from religion she’s discovered herself more sexually than she ever had before. Although she’s never done more than small kissing, she atm would consider herself bi. To get to the point of possibly trying ENM, we recently had a house party for a lot of our friends in which we all had a great time. In particular on of her closer friends became incredibly affectionate towards my wife for the majority of the night. They were either kissing or holding each other the majority of the night which isn’t out of the norm for our friend group, however things began to change a bit when our friend began to show interest in me. Close cuddling, she grabbed my hand to hold her, and then she even went as far as moving my hand purposefully to her private. My wife was there the entire time and although I made sure to not push anything regardless of how I naturally began to feel when a beautiful woman would do these things began to do, it was starting to dawn on me the path this could go down. Although nothing did happen because of some outside influence, it was clear that something did arise.

The next day my wife and I discussed it as we were talking about the party. Unbeknownst to me she had even taken a picture of the girl and I together cuddled up holding hands. She said she loved the picture. I told her what I had thought, being that it almost felt like our friend was coming onto us and that if the sequence of events had changed I thought it may have led to sex (this was said in a very nervous/light hearted way), she answered immediately with, “Had I asked her to, I know we all would’ve fkd”.

This sparked the conversation of how that would go and our measured interests in possibly bringing someone else into the bedroom. We seem to be on equal footing of comfortability atm, but with this particular friend there comes a caveat that I’m sure many of you likely have. This friend is in a monogamous relationship which I know normally would be a full stop no. However her relationship has some very different aspects. Her partner has pushed the idea of opening the relationship, obviously with only another girl, however she wasn’t very keen on making it that way as he is an incredibly jealous and controlling person, so much so to the point that they’ve almost ended their relationship many times because of his insecurities in almost all aspects of their life. I believe the words she used to tell my wife her stance on it were, “I told him I don’t care, do what you want.” For me it almost seems like she herself knows that he will inevitably do what he wants and pursue other partners sexually, which if I’ve read the room well enough he already has in the past without her consent.

So therein lies my question. What do you think we should do here. We both agree we don’t want to cross a line that could potentially hurt anyone involved. It’s quite clear that her and my wife have a deeper connection than just friends, as well that she finds me attractive. I’m not obtuse enough to try and deny that if anything were to happen it would be considered her cheating. We know that full stop. So what should we do all things considered?

Thanks for reading, this was a bit awkward for me to post so I hope I gave enough detail and if I went overboard I’m sorry 😅. Also for some reason it won’t let me select back in my writing on the app to correct it but our friend is a (22f).