Hi all, just wanted to share a success story in case it help anyone else.

My NP (29F) and I (33m) opened about 14 months ago and made a ton of mistakes, I won't go into a ton of detail (I can in comments if its helpful for anyone), but just a ton of communication issues. No ENM agreement, we verbally said we were looking for different things than we were and not communicating as things evolved, she broke sexual agreements, I broke emotional ones, it was bad.

I was also having a ton of anxiety issues, self image issues, around it. She was getting a lot more attention from others each day, while I'd get maybe a like a week on the apps, and very rarely it was someone I was interested in. I had one first date which didn't go well, and one longer term partner which got more involved than either off us were ready for, she had multiple dates a week and would have been more if she had the time and didn't feel guilty about how it impacted me, which made me feel worse.

We paused. She went to platonic with her partner, we reconnected, did a fuckload of reading and work in therapy. I was feeling better, but wasn't sure how well it was working.

Last month we reopened, more intentionally poly, aiming towards kitchen table as we grow. We have an agreement. The apps still suck for me. Since I'm trying to be even more intentional, it's even worse. Just based on where I am, there aren't a ton of in person options either. That hasn't improved. But she got back into a relationship with her partner, and all I felt was... Good? Happy for her? No anxiety. They went on a date last night, no anxiety attacks for me. I went to the gym, cooked dinner, played Madden, she got home and all I wanted to do was hear how it went with joy and happiness. Actual fucking compersion, something I never thought I'd feel 8 months ago.

If you are new to this, if it's not easy, there will be a lot of doubt in your mind and a lot of people suggesting this might not be "for you." It might not be. But maybe just take some time and some fuel off the fire after getting burned, and you'll be fine.