To preface, I've been in an ENM relationship for over a year now. We've dated other people, but it’s been mostly “monogam-ish” as I haven’t connected with other people in a while.

With this being my first ENM relationship, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want from relationships and whether non-monogamy is something I think is right for me. Ever since I was little, I never imagined myself being married/having kids/doing all of the traditional things that people in LTRs are societally expected to do. The bouts of “I want to get married/live with this person/have kids with them” feel more of a romantic, delusional fancy that doesn’t take into account the amount of sheer effort and work that goes into cohabiting/marriage/raising kids. This might change as I get older and feel more stabilized within my career, but for now, as someone in their late 20’s, this is how I feel. 

However, that doesn’t mean I don’t want the vulnerability, connection, and love that comes from more “committed” relationships. I’ve come to the conclusion that I value emotional depth, intention, and autonomy more than anything else. Theoretically, that doesn’t have to come from one person, but I’m also not someone that is constantly searching to add someone else to my life either. I like the openness to explore and to allow things to unfold naturally. I don’t want to be on dating apps for the rest of my life, but I also don’t want to be with someone that would rather kill a good relationship because I am attracted to someone else. 

I’ve been trying to understand my view on relationships and monogamy based on my desires, but a lot of people seem to be asking questions on how to seek what they may not have (i.e. sexual desires, time and emotional connection) rather than the openness to seek what may be out there, while also being content with what they have now (if it is meeting most needs). I guess it feels hard to label myself as ENM when I'm not actively trying hard to look for other partners, but it also feels wrong to say I'm monogamous when this relationship isn't. I’m not sure if this is even really an ENM question as much as it is a general relationship question, or even something less than that, but I’m wondering what other people might think of this structure, and whether there’s a label for it. Any discussion or thoughts are welcome!