My primary and I recently made some ENM choices for the first time, and I started seeing someone that I had dated in college, fell out of touch with, but reconnected with again. My primary and I had a good “ground rules” talk about what she needs out of the situation, but it came up that she doesn’t care for the new datefriend as a person (too much history for one post). Primary says it’s fine b/c she “Isn’t the one dating [Datefriend],” but I wouldn’t call the consent enthusiastic.

I know that everyone being besties or even knowing much about other partners isn’t strictly necessary, but the explicit dislike in this case has everyone else in the situation a little concerned. I also don’t like the idea of assuming that my primary is wrong or lying about her needs. I would rather not date the other person than be hurting anyone especially my primary partner, but she’s made it clear in other situations that she wants me to not assume what’s best for her.

Anyone have any similar experiences? How did it go? TIA!