So we date together as a couple and have been seeing a couple for a couple of years. We do not date separately and my wife has said doing that is not something she wants to do so please don’t suggest this as a solution as it’s not available.

My wife really likes them and I’m definitely meh about them and have been from the beginning. They were the first couple we met in ENM and they have been very patient with our growing pains and the things we’ve worked through as we have been on this journey. During this time I’ve had issues with alcohol use, been depressed and on meds and come off them. I’m really not into the other woman any more and dread situations where we have sex. I’ve been very very clear with my wife about this, said I revoke my consent and been consistent telling her I don’t want to have sex with the other woman. I have had porous boundaries in the past but have been firm and consistent for the past 6 months. My wife is a “fixer” and believes that I can get over this because I had fun in the past (I have but that was the past) and keeps trying to talk me back in. We’re also seeing another couple that she’s not into and says that’s the compromise and will do it to give me something I want to balance things out. I always tell her she shouldn’t be doing sexual things she doesn’t want to but sees this as something she has to do in order to keep the other couple despite me trying to make it clear she has a full choice in this.

I’ve been trying to ask myself a few things recently questioning my beliefs about it, do I not find her attractive? Am I doing this because my wife likes them? Am genuine in my thoughts around all this?

We have said we are each other priority and she knows when I stand with all this. She tells me she has terrible guilt about this but nothing changes. I’ve been starting to act really disinterested hoping the other couple will get the hint and end things but nothing so far and I know this isn’t good behavior.

Apathy and resentment are building and I’m feeling a bit lost. Any constructive advice would be appreciated.

Edit: I am in therapy and starting with someone new and hopefully more helpful. My wife stopped going because she got some truths she didn’t like but is also going to someone new on Tuesday so hopefully that’s going to help