This weekend, at the encouragement of my partner (who is encouraging me to have fun and to explore my sexuality— I’ve lived a rather sheltered life sexually), I’m going to a sex club without him. I’m willing to explore this side of myself without him even if only once, and I’m excited to see what doors it opens for me sexually and personally— and also with him.

But I’m also worried about what emotions this is going to open up for me. I’ve been monogamous all my life (and I’m by no means a young woman anymore), so that’s a long time.

We’ve played with others together and it’s been fun. I’m enjoying ENM together. I’m just worried that my monogamous brain will be overwhelmed with emotions and questions and who knows what else when it’s over. I’m sure at the very least it will feel like I’ve cheated on him, even though consent has been given on both sides.

Can you relate? And if so, how did you handle it and what conversations did it bring up for you?