I’ve been seeing my partner (I’ll call her Aspen)for a year. We have told each other we love each other. She also has a NP and for the last 4 months has been seeing another partner (Birch).

Birch has been messaging me and would like something with me too. He is free with detail and told me some today and I’m now hurt and confused.

Aspen’s NP had to go to hospital Thursday last week. While in hospital Birch had gone over to Aspen’s house in the Saturday. Aspen had told me Birch had ‘nipped by’. Birch told me that they had sex in Aspen’s bed (she said she didn’t want to do that with other partners) and she had asked him to finish in her. I had checked whether this was with a condom and he said no. So the first part of my hurt is, she told me she would make sure he had sexual health checks and wear condoms yet that didn’t happen. The next thing that hurts is, she had done this with him Saturday and on the Monday, she had seen me for a short while and she barely wanted to kiss me- I took it that she was sad about her NP being in hospital but now I’m thinking ‘wow she had sex with Birch Saturday and asked him to complete in her and yet she can barely kiss me Monday’.

The week prior, we had planned time together and she cancelled due to being sick. The day before she had cancelled Birch for the same reason. That week she was already seeing Birch Wednesday night and Sunday night for alone time. He had asked for Thursday together as he had missed Monday and she said yes. When I asked Tuesday the same question (not knowing Birch had already asked) she said he had already asked so she said no. So she was seeing him alone for 3 days and me none. I would see her weekdays that week but in friend capacity, not relationship or sexual.

The following week, she said she could see me on the day she usually sees Birch but then her NP went into hospital and that didn’t happen. I don’t know if Birch said he was busy that day and that’s why she was ok to see me or if she really did want to see me.

So I’m hurt because she didn’t tell me she was having unprotected sex, the way she was having this crazy sex with Birch and yet could barely muster a kiss with me Monday and the way I was treated the week before where it felt like seeing me didn’t matter. I don’t know if it’s time to admit it’s over between us? I know she will message later and I don’t know to be with her, if I should say I know what happened Saturday or not.