Hi folks, I want to talk with someone, maybe get another POV.

Me (39M) and wife (37F) have always been a bit loose in terms of ENM (14y marriage). My wife is very very laidback and always told me I'm free to find someone to have sex with, and even have flirty talks, unlike me. Actually I'm not even comfortable with myself doing it, hence, never looked for other partners because that could cause disturbance. Due to her own suggestion, went to some sex workers along the years, including a couple times with her. Now, recently, she got fit and became a lot more confident, having an outside job (I've been working remotely from home, doing most of child care of our kids).

So, common story, she got hit on by a guy and later started flirting online. Later, she told me everything and assumed I would react just like her, but I reacted bad. After talking a lot, I asked her for transparency and consented for a sex meeting, she and him. Lot of bad feelings but ended up accepting. I got engaged in the heat and happy with the sex afterwards and we even talked about a threesome at some point. But the guy seemed unreliable (for her) at best. Seemingly very busy, spent weeks basically turning her down. I was fine having a lot more sex with her and after reading about ENM I was even preparing some self care when another meeting would happen, and looking forward to the sex afterwards.

Since the guy was turning her down, she told me: “it’s over, don’t worry” and we went with our lives (and good sex). Then suddenly she would try again and get turned down, and tell me again “it’s over”. Which happened a couple times. Until, 2 months later, he finally got some free time alone and let her know. She said to him this time: “now I’m not interested” and showed me the message. But, actually, days later she made some time for him, let me know her change of mind by surprise, and met him. Ok, I prepared several weeks for it, and we got our super hot sex afterwards. Almost worth it. The next day I got some bad feelings but ok. A couple more weeks of the guy turning her down, she said to me “now I got upset and blocked him”. Fine I guess.

Now where the things started turning weird and need some help digesting what’s going on.

So, after some more time she got hit by another guy. This time she was stunned by his confidence. She told me she never agreed to anything with him, but he said he would be back from travel in a month. I could feel her expectation but she said “no, I won’t go with him, he’s married”. Weeks ago I asked her about it and told me again “don’t worry, nothing will happen”. Now, yesterday, drinking with me and a gay friend we confide everything, she basically said she’s waiting for him, in a joking tone! Again, trying to console me said “don’t worry”.

I feel I’m losing trust on her. She seems unreliable in this matter. Never happened in any other topic, be it the kids or work, she’s hard working and reliable. But regarding flirting… I’m divided.

Is she lying again? Seems very likely. Don’t know if I’m rejecting the idea based on bad feelings or because this seems now tainted by little lies. Sometimes I feel like, if she was really straightforward with me, I could react better. Just don't know.