Hi reddit. Idk where the best place to post this is but this seemed like a decent spot. Sorry I am on my phone :(

My partner (f21) and I (m20) have been together for about 2 years in total. We’ve lived together for about 3 months. It’s been great actually.

I want to say about 2 months ago after an episode of “House” dealing with a polyamorous patient, my gf started talking about how she likes the idea of polyamory. I’m a dramatic, so after some tears of mine, we had like a good conversation about the idea of some type of ENM relationship. These conversations kept coming up randomly mostly because of the shows we were watching. I’ve learned a lot about her view of the world and vise versa for her. Today, she popped the official question asking for an ENM relationship.

My feelings about ENM have been complicated. What she wants out of the ENM is basically just another sex partner. I felt like maybe because I am autistic and asexual this was my shortcoming- that sex with me isn’t what she wants, and my neurodivergence brain isn’t capable of giving her what she wants. Over the many convos, I’ve learned that this couldn’t be further from the truth. She just likes “new” in an ADHD way while I like “same” in my Autistic way, if that makes sense. She doesn’t connect sex with something emotional like a committed relationship like I do. I know she loves me and that I will always be her boyfriend (maybe even husband one day!!). She just wants to get laid by other people occasionally; basically, just someone else to have sex with if I’m not at her disposal. At least that’s how I understand it. I’m fine not to take another intimate partner because I don’t even like people all that much, and sex is too many sensory things with someone I’m not romantically into. My gf is the only one I want to be romantically into- therefore the only one I want to have sex with. Which I think people on the outside viewing into our relationship will find weird on top of the ENM. But they don’t need to know, right?

I did say yes to her request today because I feel mostly ok with it now. We set some boundaries/rule/expectations. Ex: No going on dates with the sex buddy (whatever the right term for that is lol), Either one of us can end it immediately whenever, No putting the other in the position they have to see the other one having sex; things like that. We will shape them ass needed as we do this new thing since we are both super new to this concept.

Mostly what I want to ask is - What is this kind of relationship called? Is it just ENM? - Has anyone been in a similar relationship? How did it go? What would you have changed? - Any general advice?