I need a second opinion: long post

Here’s my issue (in case you don’t want the full story): he communicates to me he wanted to have a date Monday with someone and expressed it may end up sexual and asked would I be ok with it. I said no. I explained that planning to spend intimate quality time with someone else before spending intimate quality time with your partner for your anniversary is messed up.

My partner and I just had our one year anniversary and haven’t celebrated it yet. I had spent time with friends and didn’t check in like I normally would because plans changed last minute, house party energy, drinking, so on… I let my partner know I was supposed to be getting to know someone new at this friends gathering but I didn’t anticipate on anything happening because “new person”. I let him know the next morning that I was sorry for not communicating and let him know that thing between and this new person were physical, not sexual, in short “groping”. My partner doesn’t like details so I tried to disclose that while allowing room to clarify to his comfort.

Once finding out that it wasn’t something he considered highly inappropriate, he was mostly upset at my lack of communication (as am I), but was willing to move forward. Needless to say out anniversary plans were postponed. Throughout this time, I’m trying to be respectful of his boundaries and time in processing this situation. But apparently he’s upset that I’m being distant. When I try to interact with him like “normal” there’s a noticeable wall. He denied it for a while but the more we talked he then admits to it too.

He then tells me of how plans with his sister got moved to Sunday, I say ok. “Just letting you know” ok… “why ok?” Because why do I need to know “just making conversation”. I thought this was to discuss the anniversary plans we originally had but since it wasn’t I chose to move on. Then he asked if I had any plans this weekend, I say apparently not. I kept my Sunday open for the plans we made, canceled or not I kept them open. Apparently he wasn’t thinking about him asking me to keep my Sunday open. Fine tried to move on.

Since coming to the understanding that I still wanted to celebrate our anniversary together (I had already given him gifts on Thursday when he acknowledged it after the communication issue Tuesday) I asked were we even going to discuss the possibility of rescheduling, because at this moment I felt like he didn’t care or that he needed more space. He argued he didn’t need space and wanted to continue like normal but also said he wasn’t thinking about the anniversary either. Eventually he asked about my schedule but still nothing set in stone

Here’s my issue: he communicates to me he wanted to have a date Monday with someone and expressed it may end up sexual and asked would I be ok with it. I said no. I explained that planning to spend intimate quality time with someone else before spending intimate quality time with your partner for your anniversary is messed up. I explained I viewed it as inconsiderate and insensitive.

Am I overreacting to this? I’m wrestling with the fact that I caused the plans to be cancelled and by that logic I shouldn’t have a right to complain. But I can’t help but feel like this is inconsiderate.