My primary partner (M, 35) and I (F, 33) are currently taking a step back to reflect on our relationship and what we want for the future. We’re both polyamorous but have chosen a more hierarchical form of non-monogamy. He has a secondary partner he sees almost weekly, along with a few others less regularly, while I see one person about once a month. Right now, I'm not actively dating as I’m dealing with insecurities and processing a past long-term relationship.

As I reflect, one topic that frequently comes up is the idea of starting a family. I've always told myself I'd consider kids, but only with the right partner. My partner would likely be an amazing dad—he’s smart, funny, caring, and a great communicator. But I’m unsure about being in an open relationship as a mom. I know these fears are unreasonable and based on insecurities, but I worry I won't find partners after giving birth due to body image issues, and I can’t see how I’d balance child-rearing with dating. Since my partner currently sees more people than I do, I fear ending up with most of the parenting responsibilities while he’s ‘having fun.’ I also worry he might not find me attractive after pregnancy, making non-monogamy feel like a ‘need’ for him rather than a ‘want.’

Do these fears resonate with anyone? Does anyone have experience with (getting over) this?