I guess he’s ENM/poly? I’m confused. He is gay (33) and he’s seeing this older guy (39) who is ENM and poly…but my roommate says he would never call this guy his partner because his future partner will never be someone who won’t be monogamous with him. He says “he’s dating me, I guess, but I’m not dating him”…yet he spends time with him, is intimate with him, etc.,

He says he is single, and would never talk about this guy to anyone he knows, because “he’s not my boyfriend; he’s the one who is poly, I’m not…If I find someone who wants to be monogamous with me, they are who I’ll call my boyfriend, and I’ll move on from him”.

He also says “he’s a sexual partner, but he’s not my partner…he sees me as his, but he’s not mine, and I would deny I was his to anyone because I can’t be seen as someone whose boyfriend is dating other guys”.

He says the arrangement is “fine for right now. He dates other guys I guess and I don’t, but it’s because I’m not poly...If I found someone who wants exclusivity with me, I would for sure end things all together with him and move forward with the new guy monogamously.”

I am quite confused by it and unsure of what to say when, for example, my mom was at our house, met his guy-who-is-not-his-guy briefly and saw them kiss goodbye, and then asked me "aww how long has ___ been with his guy?" and I kind of froze. I said it was complicated, but roommate was upset that he had been "spotted" and said he wants to "hide" this side of himself.