I am relatively new to polyamory / ENM.

I met Tim about 5 months ago, and it's been amazing. We're very much in love, some NRE for sure, but I truly think he's incredible. Tim told me he was in a supportive, platonic marriage where they co-parent two children. Due to work and family obligations, he could only see me once a week. I was initially content with this, as I had a primary partner, Joe, with whom I was building a life (relationship escalator - marriage, cohabitation, etc.). I was okay with non-escalator relationships if I have an anchor, nesting, or primary partner to do that with.

Joe and I broke up, poly unrelated, but I still deeply value a life partner and building a life together with an escalator or elements / customization of an escalator as we see fit eventually. As I'm dating Tim, I'm finding out it is a highly restrictive, hierarchical arrangement imposed mostly from his wife, on top of limited time from work and childcare.

Rules: No overnights. Any extra time beyond our weekly meet-ups must be negotiated with his wife, who prioritizes family time, so day trips or vacations are unlikely. His wife does not feel comfortable meeting me, which makes it unlikely I'll ever meet his kids, and I'm not allowed to stay at his place - overnight or day time. Traditional escalator milestones are off the table, and outside of our weekly time together, he only has a couple of hours here and there before he has to go home.

I've talked to Tim, and Tim feels really distressed he is unable to give me these things, because he too wants those things, but is constrained by the rules of his marriage, work, and family obligations. His wife doesn't seem enthusiastic about our relationship growing beyond just our 1x a week box.

I don't believe they're working toward practicing poly-aligned principles. Her justification for many of these rules is to avoid "freaking out" their kids about their open marriage and maintaining an image of a nuclear marriage, with secondary partners as mom and dad's "friends." It definitely feels more like just an open marriage than true polyamory, what do you think? But there is love and love is allowed, but it's definitely in a box.

I could really use support and advice from experienced poly/ENM folks. I'm in love with this man, but I'm struggling with this set-up. I could adjust my expectations and find another primary partner while continuing to see him, but there are issues with jealousy. Tim struggles with seeing me share deep intimacy and a relationship escalator with someone else, which he wants but can't have due to his circumstances. He says there's no longer romantic or sexual feelings in his marriage and that I'm the only person he wants romantically and sexually, but he's in this open marriage for the family. He realizes this is wrong way to think and feel and wants to work through his own feelings too as I try to date and find a primary poly partner.

How do I navigate this tricky situation? I don't want to lose him and this connection.