Sorry for the long post!!

So I’m in a relationship with someone (almost a year now) and I need to start off with that I love them very much and am not planning on leaving them over this.

So we met on a dating app and we both said on our profiles that we were open to either monogamy or non monogamy. For me I realized I probably fell under something like “ambiamorous” a while back after finding myself in a relationship for a while with someone who was poly and in an enm relationship already and realizing I not only had no issues with it, but really liked it (got along with their nesting partner pretty well too).

Anyways we’re going on dates and having a good time. I ask her out and at the time I kinda wanted to focus on just one relationship anyways cause I was gonna quit going on dates for a while due to dating app fatigue (she was literally one of the last dates I was planning on going on and it just worked out!)

Anyways, fast forward a few months later. And maybe this is my fault cause out of all the things we talked about surprisingly early on in the relationship, this just didn’t come up. But we’re lying in bed and just started talking about our profiles. Just fun convo about things we mentioned and what we liked about each others pages. So she brought it up and we start talking about it and she said that she wasn’t actually open to enm. It’s kind of sad. She assumed that nobody would want just her cause her last partner was a massive jerk and really shook her confidence in dating. Totally not what ENM is about but I don’t blame her cause I know what it’s like to desperately want to be loved but feel like you’re not good enough. But yeah, she’s very against the idea of enm and said she’d be too anxious that I’d leave her. So we hugged it out and talked about that for a bit. I comforted her and reassured her that she’s an amazing partner.
So then she asked me if she was actually into enm would I consider opening things up in some fashion. And again, maybe I messed up here. Cause I wanted to say no cause she told me something very heart wrenching and I didn’t want to make her feel bad but so much of our relationship is built on honesty in the small things, I couldn’t lie. So I said yes since like, I already said I was open to it on my profile. Would be a pretty bad and obvious lie to be like, “Actually I was kidding” or “since dating you I’ve been changed to only want monogamy!” She seemed to take it in stride but the convo switched topics. It only has come up once before where she mentioned in passing that she’s talked to her therapist about it. This was maybe a month or 2 ago.

Anyways, do you think I should bring it up again? I feel like I was so focused on being there for her in the moment after she shared these very personal feelings that we I didn’t get time to really talk about my actual thoughts. It’s weird to describe cause I’m fine being in a monogamous relationship but I think because I entered it thinking we were both open to enm only to find out she’s vehemently against it I feel like a rug had been pulled out under from me. Maybe not that extreme but still, maybe I’m just in a readjustment period on what I thought we were both interested in and it’ll settle in fine cause I’ve been in both monogamous and enm relationships since my first encounter with enm and never felt like this.

Anyways, thanks for reading and sorry for those who got the version with typos, my phone didn’t let me go up and fix things before I posted!