I am in a 10 years-long relationship. Apart from about six months where we opened the relationship for a while, we have been monogamous. During this relationship, I had interest in other people multiple times. Not only for sex, but emotional feelings as well. I never 'cheated', but have been emotionally involved with others platonically. And most importantly, I always suffered for not being able to pursue things with these people for fear of losing my partner. My partner doesn't feel the same and has always been completely focused on me.

The thing is, I cannot fully understand whether I just miss the excitement of flirting and getting to know someone new from time to time, or if I would actually be happier in a ENM relationship. And because I cannot know this for sure, I am afraid of losing him if I decide I want to became non monogamous.

For ENM people, how was this journey of self discovery for you? How did you realise traditional monogamic relationships were not for you?