For years I’ve known I’m non-monogamous. This doesn’t mean I’ve had truly non-monogamous relationships so far. For various reasons I’ve often chose to put my identity behind me in order to preserve a relationship with someone I love. Recently I ended a relationship. The main reasons were lack of sexual compatibility and feeling stuck, not evolving and transforming together. However I absolutely love this person and I am sure I’d like him to be in my life. He feels the same.

For the last 5 months I have been missing our talks and cuddles and hugs. We talk on the phone but I always feel guilty that I’m not allowing him to move on. And I even question if I’m in denial.

Then it occurred to me that ENM is not just about sex and romantic partners. That together we can create the kind of bond that suits us best, there are no rules or at least there shouldn’t be.

My question is, if I long to have intimacy (deep conversations, hugs, perhaps sex if it feels right) with him do you think I’m in the bargaining phase of grief or in denial or could it be that I realize I want more than a superficial friendship after all we share? And should I wait before I voice my desire to reconnect on a deeper level? I don’t want to fool him or myself. I understand he may not be on the same page but I’d like to try. Thank you