Please help, I’m at a loss. I (27M) have been a drummer in a small local band for 3 years. I was in a non-mono relationship with my gf (25F) for a year and half, and then had an additional partner (24F) for the last 2 months of that relationship. My long term girlfriend became really close with the lead singer who also was my best friend and ended up becoming the manager of the band to help us schedule shows and answer emails cause we really badly needed help.

Unfortunately, me and my long term gf had to break up because of some incompatibilities and major codependency but we really wanted to remain friends and she really wanted to remain manager. I thought this was fine because we could all remain professional. But she was super heart broken over the break up because I’m the one who initiated it and she wanted to stay together. I didn’t talk to any of my bandmates about our fights to respect their friendships and not poison the waters. She respected it when I asked if she could do the same, but I found out she did in fact vent a lot to the lead singer. She vented about how I moved on so fast after the break up because I enjoy my other relationship.

So the issue is, the lead singer called me out and said that she suggests both my ex and other girlfriend cannot come to my shows. My ex personally told me she’s ok with my partner coming to shows. I was really upset because my other girlfriend has come to my shows before we ever broke up, and had no part in this. It feels unprofessional to me for her to have a say on who I invite. The band is acting so mad as if I left my long term girlfriend for my new girlfriend, even though we are polyamorous. They think it’s protecting the peace within the band. I furiously said “if my partner cannot come, I’m not performing.” This caused a huge rift between us and I really wanted to quit the band, but they think I’m being super petty for wanting to quit over this. AITA?

TLDR; my band mate said I shouldn’t invite my partner to shows to not make my ex jealous/sad who is the band manager. Who’s right?