I have been with my partner for less than a year. I love him very much and it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had (31F and 39M). We are both aligned on a long term relationship and have no intention of leaving each other. We have very different sex drive. Due to my stage 4 endometriosis, I am only able to muster up a sex drive about 1 week a month. He on the other hand has a very healthy sex drive and even though he never complains, I feel terrible for not being able to meet his needs. A few months ago, I suggested a one way open relationship where he could have a girlfriend who can meet his sexual needs. I on the other hand have no intention of dating other people. The thought of being with another man makes me want to puke. I suggested setting up dating apps and helped him a bit with his profile and swiping on girls at the beginning. I tried to get us to have rules as this is very new for me. He has been in non committed relationships in the past but never with a primary partner. My biggest concern was him falling in love with another woman or developing an emotional attachment to another woman. I expressed my fear and he said it would never happen as he is committed to me alone. I also wanted to know what he was doing and who he was dating. However I feel like I have been struggling the last few days. He almost never uses his phone when we are together. Last week, I saw him texting for a bit and smiling. So I wondered if he was texting a date. Later at dinner, I asked him if he was dating someone and he said yes. I asked how many dates they’ve been on. He said 3. I asked where she was from and he answered. Even though he smiled all through my questions, I got the vibe that he wasn’t comfortable giving too much details so I stopped asking. We were already aligned that he would only date during the week and spend weekends with me. I had a really tough day at work on Wednesday and as I finished work, I wanted to go straight to his place and have dinner and talk. I have his keys and can go whenever. I checked my phone as I left work and saw he had texted me around 8pm saying he would be busy tonight. He sometimes texts me that when he has a gaming marathon with his friends. So I assumed that was the case and decided to drive home and get dinner then call him to talk about my day. By 11pm, I text again to see if he was still gaming so I could come over. He responded that he was on a date not gaming. I didn’t text anything back. But I don’t understand why I feel so crushed. I have been crying for 4 days and took yesterday off work because of how swollen my eyes looked from crying. I haven’t called him but been responding to his texts as normal. He let me know he was coming over this weekend but I told him I was on my period and needed time alone (I’m not). He typically takes care of me on my period so I know that response probably felt weird to him. We have never spent a weekend apart like this. But he isn’t pushing or asking me what’s wrong either. Just texting me as normal and sending memes. I am just so confused and my emotions don’t make sense. Technically he hasn’t done anything wrong. I can’t talk to my friends because they are all monogamous and wouldn’t understand why I suggested this in the first place. How do I walk through these emotions? I don’t even know what I’m feeling 😞.