For context, I am the male. I'll call myself "Tony", and my wife is "Abby"

My wife and I grew up together. We were high school sweethearts and got married right out of high school. We had only ever been with each other sexually. We both came from very conservative backgrounds. We are going 14 years strong.

Last Spring, after months of preparatory conversations, we both stepped out into the, what we at the time called, "swinging space". Hard to know what the exact term is and here is why. Why have (4) young kids, and often times could not go out to lifestyle clubs or whatever due to a lack of child care. So we would go out separately, more or less have one night stands or hookups. There was usually no meeting for dinner or activities or such. Usually just the hookup part. The only exception was maybe coffee if one party wanted to feel out the other person in a public and safe space. If we could find a couple or a unicorn, we would enjoy that together but it was always rare and hard to come by.

The last year or so has been really great. We have both had some fun experiences. Overall, this has been a great thing for our marriage. This is where the advice comes in.

Recently, I have met another women whom I have built a friendship with. We have a lot of similar interests and just seem to get along well. I grew up in a house full of women. Several sisters, no brothers, then mom and dad of course. Most of my friends in high school were women as well. Abby has become unsure / uncomfortable with the dynamic so we have been talking it out over the last few weeks.

I have no romantic feelings for this person. And in actuality, I don't find her compatible or interesting as a "wife" or "partner" at all. We do spend one or two evenings together a week, based on availability and schedules. Most of that time is spent watching a movie or something plus some sex depending on who is in the mood. As the person that is in the middle of it, it feels to me like the "gay best friend" that just happens to also like having sex with her.

Abby seems to be uneasy about the repetition of it. She doesn't seem to have an issue with any particular thing, whether it be the sex OR the friendship. But both makes her uneasy.

Rewind for a minute, when we were starting this journey (last year) into what we'll call "sex with other people", we started working with a sex and relationship therapist just as a way to help us navigate it. We both love our therapist and they have been really helpful.

Ok, back to now. I have put rules in place for my friendship with this person. Those are: 1. Keep any romantic feelings at bay. Which I have said on my end, there is none up to this moment. 2. No dedicated time commitment. Which means if I'm busy, it just is what it is. The other women does not have any priority of my time. 3. I don't spend any money on her. If we go out or do something, everything is dutch.

Wrapping up here... Our therapist pointed out that I / we are more officially moving into ENM territory and feels we need to set some boundaries and rules that suit ENM specifically, versus the rules we had in place for more ONS or hookup type situations.

*DISCLAIMER\*

THIS IS NOT A CHEATING SITUATION - Abby is fully informed of all of our hangouts and encounters. We talk about the sex, the conversations, and she has full access to my phone and all of my messages with this other person. Nothing is in the dark.

Here are my questions:

1. Is it considered ENM when there is no romantic elements with the other person?

2. Should Abby grant permission, and I continue with this friendship, what are some good boundaries to put in place that would make Abby feel comfortable that she is not being replaced?

3. Has anyone encountered a situation like this before? and do you have any advice?

Thanks for reading and any advice given!