The core rules are:

Condoms every time

You can be FWB but no relationships beyond that

Not in our house

No or at least minimal marks on the body

No overnight stays

Let my wing ma'am (my female bestie) know thr who/what/where for safety.

That's about it.

Thanks for the input.

We do have a "no catching feelings" rule, but I don't anticipate that one being a problem. We previously didn't have any specific rules against marks, but when I had a hicky once he saw it and then we added that rule. So we do adjust and talk sometimes regarding this.

I have read The Ethical Slut. Very solid book. But I'll give Opening Up a whirl

In our case, the way I inform my husband I'm spending the afternoon with a FWB is "I'm gonna go hang out with a friend" rather than say a name. I am still informing my best female friend the name and location in case my husband can't get a hold of me. This way he knows I'm safe without having too many details. Maybe that will help for you too?

And no, the overnight rule hasn't been an issue. Usually it's a daytime event. However I would like to go on a hike with them (fwb is an avid hiker) and some of the trails are multi day trips with camping. Maybe I can ask for a waiver for something like that but I'll cross that bridge if it comes to it.

My close friend is also in her own poly relationship so she knows more about it and I don't have to worry about being judged like some would.

My SO knows I do it, but doesn't really want details, saucy or otherwise. I think it's just easier for his own self worth I think. Would I love to chat on and on about how a date went with him? Absolutely! But that's not what he wants and I respect that.

I don’t agree that “No feelings” meaning “no romance” is setting you up to fail. It sounds like you are very above board with all parties. You said you check in weekly with your husband.

You are most of a year into a new, high sexual intensity relationship; logic says you should have reached NRE zenith and you are still comfortable with this situation being only within the limits of what your husband is ok with. If 9 months in you’re still ok with pulling back or even stoping if it risks hurting your marriage, then it sounds like you’re pretty healthy and should be able to continue to explore your interests in a healthy way.

My only comment would be to regularly make your husband feel appreciated. He supported you persuing what you wanted even though it wasn’t something he was interested in. Not every man can do that.

When my wife started sugar dating we were closed at her request and she knew I was uncomfortable with it. My support of her sugar dating (“you’re monetizing how awesome you are babe!”) even while I was denied the lifestyle I wanted made her feel much closer to me. I hope it has done the same for you.

Thank you. It really has been going well so far.

I actually do make time and an effort to appreciate my husband. We are actually going on a date tomorrow night. I'm sitting here watching tv with him and probably told him I love and appreciate him 10 times today. He knows I love him and appreciate him every single day. ❤️

Oh great! Thanks. I'll download it now and listen during my next workout.

Very true. He knows if he asks me he will get literally any information, but he doesn't which is fine.

The part where he says "just tell me you're hanging out with a friend" which I do, but... idk feels like I'm still lying? Idk.