So I (53F) have been dating someone (51M) for just about a year - let’s call him J. We see each other at least 4 times a week and both agree we are a more than FWB but also are openly ENM. He is more interested in sex with others while I am less so but I have another long distance partner that I see about once every three months or so.

The issue I am having is that even when J and I are out together, he is checking in on his multiple dating apps, chatting up his matches and trying to set up dates. I find this insulting because I feel like when you are spending time with someone, you should focus on them and not on other potential dates.

To be clear we do not live together, both work and essentially have plenty of time apart to pursue others. For my part, when J and I are together, I do not text/reach out to my long distance relationship.

I have explained my feelings on the issue to him but he feels it’s my being jealous and that I need to deal with that on my own.

I am at an impasse because while I do care about him, I also feel he’s being somewhat dismissive of my feelings.

Thoughts?